salvia. [h.s. AU]

Chapter Twenty Three

Maria Eduarda

Leaving the bed this morning was a real challenge.

I woke up around 5 am to an empty bed, which immediately made me feel alone and unsafe. I'd fall asleep last night in Harry's arms, and waking up without them wasn't exactly great. For a moment I thought he had just gone to the bathroom or something, but after almost 40 minutes I gave up and admitted to myself he probably just wanted to have his own space.

I mean, it was the second night in a row that we slept together, and if Harry is anything like Landon, he's probably tired of having to share a bed with me.

Anything like Landon.

God, I hope he is not. Just to think about Landon's name makes me wanna puke, cry and scream, all at once. I'm honestly surprised I managed to sleep after what happened, and after I've awakened, it started making sense - at least I didn't think while sleeping, but as soon as I opened my eyes, that's the only thing I could do.

It's still so hard to believe that he was capable of being so violent with me. We were together for 2 whole years, and even though I know he wasn't the most caring boyfriend, he was still kind, or at least, he was still polite with me. If someone would tell me that someday Landon would be calling me a dumb slut and a cheap whore, I would've laughed at their faces.

Because I thought he loved me. I thought he wanted the best for me, and that he would try and do anything to make me feel respected and worthy.

Landon comes from such a wealthy family, he went to the bestest schools in the country, he is such a gentleman... Never in a million years I would think he could be capable of hitting me, letting alone doing something way worse than that. It hurts my heart just to remember the way he looked at me, how vicious his eyes were, the blue eyes I fell in love with so long ago. How he belittled me, how he talked about Harry, saying he just wants to fuck me, raising and reinforcing all my insecurities and making me feel so worthless.

I was so powerless, never felt so cornered and helpless. That's what hurts me the most - not the physical pain, but the psychological violence of being put in a position I simply couldn't leave by my own. How he blamed me for his behavior, how he tried to make me feel guilty of his actions.

I can't even imagine what would've happened if it weren't for Dani, Harry and Niall. Hell, I don't think things would've ended differently if it was only Dani - Landon is strong enough to overpower the two of us. Last night, she told me the only reason why Harry and Niall went upstairs was because they were thinking about watching a movie, and that Harry almost didn't agree because he didn't want to overwhelm me with his presence.

The most terrifying thing is that I think Landon would actually go through with... With the thing he was about to do to me, if he wasn't interrupted. I never thought he would be capable of doing something like that, but at that moment, he wasn't him. He wasn't the Landon I've known and cherished, loved even, for so long. He was a completely different person, when I looked into his eyes, I didn't see him. I saw another person, a vicious man I never met before, and that man wanted chaos. He wanted destruction.

He wanted to destroy me.

He wanted to take everything from me, and make me feel like I was the only one to blame.

I've never been so afraid in my entire life.

It's funny, because ever since I've started working at the Styles's place and met Harry, I've been blaming and cursing life for having such a bad timing, and now, I couldn't be more fucking grateful for timing.