salvia. [h.s. AU]

Chapter Eighteen

TW: There's a few paragraphs containing mild sexual harassment. It will be between the (*) sign.

Maria Eduarda

I think I need to break up with Landon.

I simply can't keep doing this to him. It's not fair, not with Landon, not with Harry, not even with myself. I really thought I could handle it, I was sure I had the situation under control, whatever crazy, inappropriate attraction happening between Harry and I was a passing-phase. I really thought I would be able to dodge it and keep going, being friends with Harry and faithful to Landon, but after what happened today, I'm convinced I can't do this anymore.

As much as I would love to pretend this simply isn't happening, this is  the type of situation you have to make a decision. From my point of view, I have two options - to break up with Landon, or to quit my job and never see Harry again. I'm sure I would find another job sooner or later, but... I simply can not stay away from Harry. I can't. The mere idea makes me want to cry.

It's crazy, I have known him for such a short period of time, but ever since the first time I saw him, something awoke deep inside of me. I was drowned to him like a sunflower is to the sun, and I really, really tried to avoid it, because it wasn't right or fair. Harry not only is my boss, but also has a fiance, while I have a 2 years relationship with Landon. He is my boyfriend, and I've always thought I really loved him.

But I'm not so sure anymore.

What I feel about him didn't change, but I guess if I really loved him, I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with, right?

Only 20 minutes after literally evading from Harry's place, I realized I wasn't wearing my bra nor my panties. I left in such a hurry I've barely had time to put my clothes on and fly to Bobo. I even left my tote bag behind, with Dani's pink dress innit. My heart hasn't stopped racing since then - every time I'm starting to calm down, I gasp, the sensation of Harry's heated lips back on my neck. The taste of his skin still coating my tongue.

I can't even tell you what possessed me to actually suggest he could take a nude photograph of myself. I'm not at all the kind of person who is totally comfortable in their own body, and I hate to show more skin than needed - hence why I always wear a one-piece swim suit and t-shirt at the beach, even though we live in fucking Miami. For all my life, only Landon and Dani have ever seen me with no clothes on.

Yet, At that moment, I felt like it would be OK if Harry saw me. Hell, if I'm being honest, there was a part of me that actually wanted him to. It all happened so fast, 20 minutes tops, but it was definitely the most erotic 20 minutes of my life. I was so damn nervous, however, seeing how  nervous he was kind of soothed me - the notion that even though he is obviously way more experienced than me and that he probably have seen a lot of naked women, he was still shaky to see me.

It was a little reassuring, I guess.

I don't think I'd ever drive so fast, too anxious about getting home and telling everything to Dani, because she would definitely know what I should do next, considering I was too overwhelmed to even think about it - what happened between Harry and I, my decision to break up with Landon, this massive crippling fear of what will happen next. I mean, what if I get to Harry's next Tuesday, and he simply ignores me? What if he decides he doesn't want me around anymore? Could he actually fire me? I mean, I know he could but, would he?

What if I tell him that I've broken up with Landon, and he laughs at me, saying yeah, he would kiss me and maybe even have sex, but there's no way he would trade Chloe for me. I mean, why would he? She is everything I'll never be - classy, beautiful like a porcelain doll, educated, rich. At the end of the day, I'll always be Maria Eduarda, the girl who used to scrub his bathroom floor and now is cooking his meals.