salvia. [h.s. AU]

Chapter Twenty Six

Harry Styles

For the first time ever since I moved to Miami, I gave the house staff a day off.

I mean, my granny is still in the UK and it doesn't make much sense for me to have a governess and a full-time maid just for myself.

Besides, I really want to be alone with Maria.

Today is Friday, so she will be at the cooking class the entire morning and part of the afternoon, and since she convinced me it was OK for her to go with her car, I'm staying at home, painting in my studio, while she is not around.

With everything that happened, I'm a little behind schedule with the paintings, so it's a good thing that I'll have a good chunk of the day to focus on it.

And then, I want to focus on something else.

Maria.

It's always her, isn't it?

I'm just so excited about this new  relationship we have, all the new things we are discovering together, some of them that I already knew, but completely forgot or buried it deep down before meeting her. Only a couple of months ago, I was a shadow of myself - unhappy, unhopeful. I wasn't even able to smile properly and all I felt was pain, all the time. It was so much pain I ended up turning to a ghost of myself, a numb version of who I used to be in the past.

But then, Maria came into my grey life and found the exact colors to paint my dark soul with the brightest tones possible.

After Meredith died, I never thought I would be capable of feeling something again, let alone to feel happy. I thought I was doomed to life a half-life without her, and honestly, I had come to terms with that. But now that I have Maria, I'm absolutely sure I never want to feel that way again.

I'm not going to lie - sometimes, there's a part of me who still feels a little guilty for falling in love with another person, especially as quick as it happened with Maria. That part of me thinks I'm not being loyal to Meredith, and that if I'm already so involved with someone else, that means I never really loved Meredith to begin with.

I try to ignore that part, because I know it's irrational.

One love cannot annul the other, and every experience I lived counted for something. Meredith chose to leave me, and I know it's selfish to even think of that - she was in so much pain, nothing else mattered to her, and I got it. I was depressed myself, for a long period, and sometimes I still struggle with the bad feelings and thoughts, but the thing is, Meredith left a hole in my heart I never thought would be filled again. I thought I would never feel complete again.

Enters Maria.

Always, Maria.

With her clumsy way and her ancient walkman. Her love for old music, her appreciation for art, her passion about cooking. The sweet smile, loving personality and the most gorgeous soul I've ever had the luck to meet. She is kinda awkward with her timidity and the way she has no filter, saying everything that comes to her mind, but she's also so brave, so bold and courageous. She's not afraid of anything, facing life with her heart on her sleeve and a beautiful grin on her lips.

She's perfect for me. Shaped in the tiny little details that fills my heart with joy.

And oh, she's just so sexy.

For years, I've had zero interest in sex. Meredith was my first, and after I lost my virginity to her, back in high school, I thought I knew what I wanted for the rest of my life - her. And after she passed, I thought I would never want to have sex again.