Out of reasons (Boy × Boy) ✔

Chapter Nineteen

"Have you been talking behind my back?" I accosted.

"It's not like that", Copa denied and tried to place his hand on my shoulder, but I cringed away from his reach.

"I was worried about you, so I've asked him a few times how you're doing", he continued and panic was creeping into his eyes. When I looked at him, I thought he deserved it.

"You didn't think about asking me first?" I demanded and crossed my on my chest to keep him away from me.

"I did, but you know it as well as I that you never tell me what's really going on." Copa threw his hands in the air. He really looked like he was on the verge of panicking and it occured to me that we never really argued. This was the first time I raised my voice to him, and thinking about that made me relent.

"You know what, forget it", I gave in and turned on my heels. I didn't want to fight, I didn't even want to think about any of that anymore. I just wanted to be alone. So I marched into Copa's room and shut the door behind me. I didn't even have time to sat on the bed before someone knocked on the door.

"Can I come in?" Kuisma didn't wait for an answer before barging in.

"I don't want to talk. I'm tired."

"You don't have to talk, just listen what I have to say." Kuisma insisted. "When I couldn't find you that day you left to the beach, Copa called your phone. I thought he could tell me where you are or that it was you calling from someone else's phone to tell me you forgot yours."

"I told him I couldn't find you and he gave me his number so I could text him when I found you", Kuisma continued quickly. "And then we've been texting a couple of times, but.. Please don't be angry."

"I'm not angry", I answered coolly.

"I think you are", Kuisma sighed and for the first time since he came to the room I looked at him.

"You know what, maybe I am. Maybe I just don't think I can trust you anymore", I stated. "He could have asked me and you could have told him to ask me and not conspire behind my back."

"I didn't conspire behind your back. I was just trying to help", Kuisma started to lose his temper. I just stared at him blankly, until I came to think about something.

"Wait, did you tell him everything? Does he know everything?" I demanded, suddenly alarmed and slumped to sit on the edge of Copa's bed.

"No, no! I haven't told him about that", Kuisma exclaimed and sat next to me on the bed. I just stared at him, my heart throbbing.

"I'm serious, I haven't." His golden eyes looked dark in the gloomy room.

"Okay", I whispered and added after a while: "You don't have to babysit me anymore. I'm getting better."

Kuisma stayed silent for some time, just staring into my eyes. "You're not as good at hiding your pain as you think you are", he said cautiously. "I want to help you, but I don't know how."

"You've already helped me more than anyone", I mumbled and lowered my eyes to look at my hands. The one that had been in the cast and the other Joakim had gripped that night. I didn't know how to tell Kuisma he had held me up, or how much that meant to me.

"You can always ask me if there's anything you need, if there's anything I can do to make you feel better", Kuisma promised quietly, and right at that moment I could think one thing.

"Sleep with me", I told him.

"What?" Kuisma looked abashed and even in the dark room I could see the redness of his cheeks.