Out of reasons (Boy × Boy) ✔

Chapter Twenty-two

I had gotten good at building walls between me and the others, to keep myself safe from being hurt all over again. After Joakim I was scared to let anyone too close.

Kuisma had been an exception all the way to that evening in the beach. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, and I had promised myself not to push him away. It had been easy when we were just friends, but once he started meaning more to me, I didn't know what to think.

A part of me wanted to get even closer to him, so I could ease the persistent ache of my hear. I felt like I couldn't get enough of him and it was making me crazy when I had to keep my distance. Another part of me was terrified Kuisma would find out about my feelings and push me away.

I could lose a friend. I could finally hold him like I wanted to, or I could never hold him again. I wasn't sure which alternative scared me the most. I dreaded to find out about it, so I kept my feelings strictly to myself. It was eating me alive, but if that was the price for keeping him in my life, I was willing to pay every cent.

I needed distraction, to keep my thoughts away from Kuisma, and luckily the upcoming Christmas event kept me busy. I usually stayed late in the class, if I didn't have a shift at the library. Today was an exception, since the classes had ended early and our class was arranging a small voluntary event for the other students.

We had the entire cafeteria for us, leaving us plenty of space to spread out. Our job was to help the volunteering students to craft Christmas cards, which would be send to lonely seniors around the town.

Christmas songs were playing from the speakers, we had baked gingerbreads and there was mulled wine and coffee for everyone. Although I'm pretty sure Fareed had the other kind of wine in his mug. He was wearing a Christmas sweater and a santa hat, so I guess his dedication to the event outsmarted his choice of beverage.

It was still early, so we were just waiting for the first volunteers to show up. I leaned on a pillar near the big tables and Fareed stood next to me. We had already done our part by carrying all the accessories from our classroom and helping with the music, so we weren't just slacking there.

Joakim was sitting at one of the tables with Viljo and some other classmates, and it seemed like he hadn't settled for mulled wine either. He was being noisy and particularly annoying, so it was more difficult than usually to ignore him.

It was easier when the volunteers started steaming to the cafeteria. The first ones were mostly younger trade school students. The ones I had been tutoring came straight to us, so Fareed and I had our hands full with them.

"How did you do that?" One of them, a short blue haired girl asked, exclaimed and I showed her how to make one of the example cards we had made earlier.

Everyone found Fareed funny, no surprise there, and he excited them to grow even louder. The first hour or so went like that, and as soon as the first students left another herd replased them.

"Is this seat taken?" A familiar voice asked and I turned my head so quickly it was a wonder I didn't break my neck in the process. Before I had time to say anything, Fareed was already shrieking happily and saying hello to Kuisma.

My heart was still fluttering with the joy of seeing Kuisma, but I did my best not to let it show. I smiled at him, when I asked: "Want me to be your teacher?"

"Well of course! Why else would I have come?" Kuisma smirked happily while taking a seat next to mine.

It turned out there was one thing Kuisma wasn't good at: his Christmas card looked like it was made by a child.

"Yeah, it's terrible", he admitted and shook his head, like even he couldn't believe how bad a job he had done.

"I feel bad for the grandma who gets that", I teased him and picked the card up in my hand.