Out of reasons (Boy × Boy) ✔

Chapter Twenty-one

It's not Fareed or Copa you want to hear about, but the one with the golden eyes, right? Well, this chapter is all about Kuisma. Not a long ago I swore that I was just friends with Kuisma and that it would take at least five years before I would even think of dating again.

The problem was that my plan to not fall in love and stay away from dating was failing miserably.

When did I realize I have feelings for Kuisma? Actually the question should be: why did I realize I have feelings for him? I have not just one, but three whys and I should just get into those. No explaining or reasoning, just the plain truth.

The first why, which made doubt if Kuisma was really just a friend to me, was one night about a week ago. I knew I could get used to sleeping next to Kuisma if I kept doing that, and I honestly thought the first time was a one-off deal.

This time I didn't ask Kuisma to sleep with me. Instead I have a vague memory of him climbing in my bed and placing his arm protectively over my chest. It was a vague memory, because I was only half-awake. I had slept restlessly, and I found his touch comforting.

It was only in the morning when I truly realized Kuisma was sleeping in my bed. Not just that, his arms were around me and I was nestling against him, my head on his chest and arms around his body.

I could hear his heart beating steadily and feel his chest rising and falling when he breathed deeply in his sleep. I wanted to stay in his embrace and never get up. I wanted to be close to him like that every morning and...

I got up so abruptly it awoke Kuisma. My heart was throbbing and I stared at him with wide eyes. Not because he was there in my bed, but because I had let my thoughts wander too far. It wasn't something you thought about a friend, and I couldn't make myself believe otherwise.

"Why are you in my bed?" I asked him, not accusatorially just amazed. Kuisma sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Can't you remember anything from last night?" he mumbled drowsily and when I just stared at him, he continued: "You were wailing in your sleep so loudly I was afraid you'd wake the entire building, and the only thing I could come up with was hugging you."

I could feel heat rising on my cheeks and I slumped back on the bed. "Shit. Sorry", I muttered and looked away, feeling mortified. I thought I was done with the nightmares, but apparently I was wrong.

"It's okay", Kuisma said. "Actually I slept really well. Why is your bed comfier than mine?" He grinned and poked my shoulder playfully. Yet again all I could think about was how illicitly good he looked, and I cursed myself inwardly.

"Oh, shut up", I laughed.

That was only the first why, and I was already having hard time trying to convince myself I didn't actually like Kuisma. After that night my plan was to reset my feelings back to the friend setting at any cost. There was just one tiny issue: the more I tried not to think about him, the more I did. The more I tried not to look at him, the more I did.

Anyway, resetting my feelings went relatively well until the second why. I would definitely have succeeded with my plan, if I hadn't gone looking for him from the gymnasium. It had been only three days since the first why and apparently the second one was just around the corner.

I had finished my part of the decoration labour for the day, and I was sent to bring some of the props to a storeroom at the other side of the school building. It was already getting dark outside and I didn't see anyone on my way to there. Everyone was probably still in class.

I managed to take the props where they were supposed to be and I was on my way back to the dormitory, when I took a wrong turn and ended up walking past the gymnasium. For some reason I just had to peek in from the window.