Worse Than Death. d.m

My Fault.

(Isebella Nott)

       I could hear Draco pacing the hall in front of my door. But I couldn't stomach looking at him right then. I hated crying. I never did it much. And when I did, I was usually alone. Draco never talked about his feelings but would always try and get me to talk about mine. I found that frustrating at some points. I always felt the pressure of not being broken when I am with Draco and my other friends. It got too much sometimes. I always had a feeling at the back of my mind that if i hadn't shown up none of this would be happening. Pansy and Draco didn't have a choice because of me. They were my friends and I brought them into this hell hole that is our situation. I loved Draco. I loved Pansy and Arabella. And I did this to them. It was my fault. My fault. My fault.

       I went into the bathroom because the sound of Draco's stupid boot were making this worse. I needed to get out of there. I needed to get away from them before I hurt them even more. It was my fault. My fault. My fault. I felt like I couldn't breathe, my arm was killing me. I felt so much guilt and anger. I felt like there was no escape. My arm felt like it was on fire. I got into the shower and turned on the freezing cold water. With my clothes still on, I got in and submerged my arm into the blissfully cold water. It didn't work for long. That little bit of peace I felt from the water was interrupted by my thoughts finally pouring over.

       I saw my razor I had in the shower and grabbed it. It was stupid I know, but the mark hurt so bad i thought that this would be fine. What could be worse? I caused everyone around me to hurt. I hurt them. I needed to hurt because I hurt the ones that I loved. I slowly ran the razor over my arm wanting to feel something. Then I saw the blood dripping from my arm. It felt good. It was something other than the pain I felt from the mark. The stupid mark that i got, that Draco got that Pansy got. I felt sick thinking about how young Arabella was when she got hers. I kept cutting into my skin until I heard my bedroom door slam open. I gasped and quickly got up. Still soaked, I grabbed my wand from the counter. With the blood still dripping from my arm, I ran into my bedroom. My eyes fell onto Draco. He looked at me in pure horror. I saw him reach for me. And then everything went black.