2: Are you ready to comply?

Chapter 1

Nat's POV

Months had gone past since Ana died. I want to say that I'm better, but I'm not. You see, you see the person everyday, and then they're gone. It still doesn't feel real. I continued going to therapy. I saw Dr Smith every week, we didn't always talk about my innermost feelings. Sometimes I just ranted about people who had gotten on my nerves instead. But sometimes we talked about Ana, sometimes I'd tell her how much I miss her. How I wish I had done more.

Most people would say I'm doing better. I was so sad and so angry all the time before, so now I must be better. I mean I feel numb, I feel nothing now, but it's better then the overwhelming sadness right? It's better then the outbursts of anger? On a few missions I lost my cool, screamed at new agents, or shot like 10 rounds into the chest of an enemy. I didn't have time for humour, or light heartedness anymore. Especially when the mission was HYDRA related. I was fully back now, no more being placed on the subs bench. It helped, the adrenaline, the thrill, for a moment I could forget everything. The best time was when I was undercover, I was no longer Natasha Romanoff, the sad girl who lost the kid, I was someone else entirely.

Wanda was struggling also. Maybe more greatly then me. She kept to herself entirely. Barely spoke a word to anyone. Clint, Steve, even I tried to get her to talk but she would just repeat that she was fine. She was broken. Alone. Scared. She saw Dr Smith also, but apparently she wasn't engaging. She refused to talk about Ana's death, or anything related to her at all. None of us knew what to do at this point. We just wanted to give her space, hoping time would heal it. I didn't believe that myself, it had been months and I was still broken as hell. But I wanted to believe it. I had to believe it.

I kept looking for the men who broke in, but I found nothing. The team ran constant facial recognition in the background, but it wasn't their primary focus anymore. They had moved on, deemed it a lost cause. They all seemed fine. Other then Wanda and I, everyone else seemed to forget Ana even existed. Her name was never spoken of, the lack of her presence was never mentioned. There were small changes with everyone however, Bucky didn't play pool anymore, in fact the pool table had been removed from the lounge. Steve would always find excuses to miss movie nights, muttering something about admin, or missions, or just wanting to get an early night. Sam didn't laugh as much, he still told jokes, he still tried to make everyone else laugh, but he himself didn't laugh as often anymore. The teams dinner was no longer a treasured event. Wanda would eat in her room alone. Sam would eat in front of the TV with Bucky, neither of them saying a word. In fact the both of them argued less now. Vision, well he didn't eat anyway. Steve and I were the only ones who still ate at the large table but it was in silence. No one ever sat in her chair. Even when we had Clint's whole family round, along with Tony and Pepper. Her chair remained empty. It remained hers.

When I'd lie in my bed alone at night, that's when I'd let myself cry, that's when I'd let myself feel. I was still not quite used to the empty spot next to me, but I was getting more and more used to it. It was lonely. Ana understood everything about me without me needed to explain anything to her. We had been through the same things, we were moulded the same way. We may have been orphans, but we were each other's sisters.

I would just lay there, clutching her small bear in one hand and pray to whatever God was out there that she was in peace now.

Ana's POV

"Again" I heard the women shout,

I repeated my fighting move against the trainer in front of me, I knew I was doing it flawlessly, but they were trying to get me to break. To be weak. But I was made of marble. There wasn't a weak bone in my body. So I did it again, and again, and again. Watching the other agents around me fall, watching the other agents around me throw up from exhaustion. But I didn't. I didn't falter, not for a second.