2: Are you ready to comply?

Chapter 5

*I know I am normally so much quicker with my updates, honestly I just have the worst writers block at the moment. My mind is totally blank. I am so so sorry!! I actually can't believe how long it's been, I am so sorry for being so terrible!*

*I am 100% going to keep going with this, I am also very emotionally invested in it haha. I'm going to aim to at least have on chapter out a week, but obviously if I'm super inspired I could release like a bunch in a week if I'm buzzed haha! But yeah i just have terrible writers block, my mind is on my nursing exams and assignments haha*

Ana's POV

No one found out about my encounter with the Black Widow, to he honest I was surprised at this, I was half expecting them to have secretly had eyes on me the entire time, but there was no punishment, instead they just seemed to be pleased with the mission being a success, instead we celebrated.

I however, was conflicted. The voice that's been haunting me ever since I arrived at HYDRA, belonged to one of their biggest threats, one of their enemies. The voice that felt familiar, felt safe, felt like home, belonged to Natalia Romanova. I was raised hating her in the Red Room, I was raised training to one day take her down, my whole life revolved around that purpose, and yet, when I had her right there. I let her go. Why? Something just felt wrong. I didn't understand it.

So now I was in my cell. Staring at the journal, seeing the words "it's okay. I'd understand" written in hundred of different ways. Neatly, scruffily, normally, frantically, and more. Her voice was loud, the words repeating over and over. I was so confused? Why was her voice in my head? Why these words? What do they mean? Honestly I wanted it to shut up, to leave me alone. I was starting to suspect foul play, maybe Wanda the Avenger had found me on a mission and inserted it into my mind? That was the only thing that made any logical sense? But I don't remember encountering her?

I made sure no one suspected what went down in the Chancellors room, I didn't want to be tortured or wiped. Whether it was fake or not, I wanted to hold onto that feeling when I touched her face, love. I don't remember ever feeling love. Is it love?

No. Love is for children.

Suddenly I started questioning everything about the place I was in. It felt like home before, but now I was wondering, I was questioning things. Maybe HYDRA felt so amazing, only because it was better then the Red Room, maybe there was more out there? Maybe life could be better? I still didn't know love. We were still tortured and tested to our limits. The celebration they held at the completed mission involved the men using all the women agents and staff for their own pleasure, against their will, including myself. I couldn't fight. I knew I could realistically, I could use my power against them, but they'd kill me. Yes we were fed better, had our own cells, and weren't killed randomly. But death still hung over us? We were still abused. Suddenly I was longing for something else, something more.

I flicked through the book, the drawings, I studied them. I had never truly looked at them before, rather just sketched them and closed the book, boxing away the memory, pushing it down and out of my mind. A small bear, it looked like a toy? I've never had a toy? And yet I drew it? I saw a ball, small, on a rectangle thing, with sticks pushing the balls? I saw a book, Harry Potter? These drawings it's as if they're from someone else's mind, I've never seen any of these things. I didn't even know what Harry Potter is, maybe it's a metaphor? I mean "The Deathly Hallows" maybe it means something? All of these things? A movie ticket? Microphones? Ice skates? These were things I'd never done, or used? They weren't things I recognised. Yet there was a pulling inside of me, in my heart? It was a strange feeling, but I wouldn't call it uncomfortable, in fact as I flicked through the drawings there was a small smile on my face.