affluenza (1.) | ✔️

Nothing

A NEW RITUAL seems to form between Sebastian and me. We don't talk about anything hard; we keep things light and in the meantime, we have sex. A lot of it. Sebastian almost always initiates it, calling me in the middle of the night asking if he can sneak in. I say yes every time. The sex is good and more than that, it makes me feel close to him again. Like we weren't falling apart.

There would be periods where I'd begin to get fed up with him, wanting to return back to how we were before. But then he'd tease me or take me out to a movie and I'd get a glimpse of the old Sebastian, the one I fell in love with. And I'd stay.

       He starts showing up back at school which is good for his credits, but we talk even less there than we do outside of school. Neither of us ever even mentioned coming out to the rest of the school—it fell underneath the list of hard things we avoided ever talking about—and I still was coming to terms with exactly what I was. I knew I was into boys just as much as I was into girls, even though I'd only ever held feelings for Sebastian. I just wish there was a huge sign with neon lights that would shine up and tell me what I was. As it is, I can't seem to figure it out for the life of me.

March and April came and went with little ceremony. I was beginning to become sore from how many times Sebastian and I would hook up a week. I avoided my bike at all costs, settling for a ride with Devin and Robyn to school every morning.

Like today. We were well into May and the Ball hung over my head like a grey cloud warning me about a storm. I couldn't muster up any excitement for the event, even though my friends were stoked. "You're kidding me, Robyn," Devin grumbles from the backseat. I still got front-seat privileges, even though they were together. It made me feel good. "I didn't even know there were other kinds of red!"

She scoffs, turning a corner. "Colors are a spectrum! There's red, maroon, cherry. Don't even get me started on the levels of burgundy."

        Devin leans forward and shows her the color and she sighs. "That's at least two shades off, Dev."

        He groans animatedly and I fight back a laugh. "You two argue like an old married couple," I remark, leaning my head back and feeling the warm breeze of spring. We were pulling up to the school and I felt a small pang in my heart. I'd be graduating from this place in a few weeks.

There's a ding on Devin's phone and he gasps. "Holy crap. UC decisions have dropped."

I freeze. "You're joking."

"Dude, check your portal," he says, nudging my shoulders. "Check for Berkeley."

"I-I can't, I...this is my future, I can't just open it right now," I stammer, heart pounding. "You shouldn't have told me, Dev. Now I'll spend the whole morning thinking about it."

        It turns out, I was right. Berkeley was everywhere. Natalie Portman squeals in the hallway as Devin, Robyn, and I walk into school. "Ah! I got in, I got in! Berkeley accepted me!" Her rich blonde hair bounces as she does, bounding down the halls to tell everyone she knows.