ricky and nini's realizations

chapter 78

nini's pov

i got through the uneventful weekend having dealt with the greyson situation. i ended up finishing a good chunk of the project to move us along that way there weren't any issues in not getting it done. but all of that's irrelevant. this friday is the annual east high fundraiser night where practically the whole town gathers at a fancy hotel hosted by our school to fill with east high students and much of their families. some of the teens dread it and others find it cool to have a fancy night out. it's a black tie event to raise money for school funding. that's pretty much all i know. the whole night is spent in a more than fancy ball room where everyone looks professional as they talk about taxes, school activities, and funding in a huge room full of our parents and school board and staff members. most of us teens are dragged along by our parents since it's a mandatory event for them. with east high being such a big school and needing to fund so many sports and activities. the night is pretty important. ricky and i were meant to attend this together with plans to spend the evening together while my moms and his dad did their own thing. it's actually a pretty cool event once you get past the seriousness of it. but uh. i don't imagine that we'll be going together anymore and i don't want to if i'm being completely honest. i come up with the idea of making the effort to call him or speak to him at school about it all to let him know that i don't wanna attend this with him, but that idea is shot down by my fear of doing so. what if that's too harsh. or what if that'll make things awkward. i opt for calling him. that way i don't have to have this talk to his face and i can just hang up if worse comes to worse. real immature. i know. but i dont know what i'm going to say or how to get my point across that i don't know what the heck we are. i mean i let him kiss me on friday. and i still don't understand why. he doesn't love me. plain as that. so there shouldn't be anything else to it. but he's still my ricky and i miss him. but... i also don't wanna settle for being with someone that doesn't feel the way i do. i close the door to my room standing there clicking on his contact. it starts to ring and i have nothing prepared to say to him. "hello?" he answers normally. "hey, can we talk real quick?" i say starting this. "uhm, yeah. is everything okay?" i can sense his nerves through the screen probably thinking up all kinds of bad scenarios between us. "yeah. i just wanted to talk about saturday," i tell him while walking over to my bed to sit, and i start to play with a thread on my sheet. "oh okay," he pauses shortly, but not long enough for me to have a chance to speak again, "can we still go together?" he asks as if he somehow knew what i was going to say. "ricky," i carefully try to ease into this, but it comes out sympathetically which wasn't my goal. "we could go to dinner. that place you like next to the ice cream place. or at that fancy restaurant. i'll pick you up and-," i cut off his rambling that's so thoughtful and i can tell he's trying, but i don't want that. "ricky, no," i say softly. "uh, no i-i get it," he says trying to play it off and i just feel worse for that. "ricky, i just don't think that we should. i don't want to go with you," i slap my hand over my mouth the second those words slip from my mouth coming out straight forward completely missing the meaning behind it. i said that wrong and didn't mean for it to be so bluntly stated. my heart rate picks up like crazy and guilt rushes through me feeling so awful for how harsh and just plain rude that was of me. it was unlike me and i never wanna speak to ricky like that despite our confusing situation right now. "right," he says clearing his throat, "i got it. um i'll see you there then." "wait, ricky, i swear i didn't mean it like that. it came out wrong," i explain my voice coming down to a gentle voice in hopes of making things a bit better, but i know there's little chance of that right now.

you'll thank me for the next chapter ;)