ricky and nini's realizations

chapter 20

general pov

ej comes back upstairs to see ricky and nini still sitting against the wall. nini appears dazed with dried tears stained on her face. ricky looks up to ej as he gets closer, "he's gone." "where?" ricky asks with his voice filling back up with anger at the thought of that guy who he saw touching nini. that image he can't get out of his head. ej just waves off his question. "are you sober enough to drive?" ricky asks ej while brushing his thumb over the back of nini's hand for reassurance. "i only had a small drink when we first got here. i'm good to drive you guys," ej tells both of them comfortingly, "i'll wait for you guys in the car."

nini's pov

as soon as ej leaves for the car, i can see ricky looking at me from my side view. "my moms aren't home," is all i say still not looking at him yet. "that's okay. you can stay at my house," i catch his sympathetic smile when i finally look at him. i feel so much relief that i won't be alone after tonight. "lets go to the car," he says starting to stand up pulling me with him, but i feel like i can't move. his strength pulls me up, but my legs are like complete jello. i start to cry again and at this point i don't know why. i know i'm safe now, but i'm so out of it and overwhelmed. i put my head on his chest and let some tears slip. i feel his arms tightly, but gently wrap around my body. we stand like this for a little bit giving myself some time. he grabs my hand again and we slowly make our way to ej's car. i just wanted to be out of here as soon as possible despite my lack of energy. ricky sits next to me in the back of the car because i couldn't let go of his hand. the silence of the car ride causes me to slip into my thoughts, which is the opposite of what i should do right now. ricky sees the tears rolling down my face for the third time tonight and moves closer to me. his embrace has provided so much comfort to me tonight and i'm physically not ready for him to let go. i turn into him to try and muffle the sounds of me crying. i get a text notification and pull my phone into my lap to see greyson texted me, "hey where did you go?" he sends another text just after his first one, "hello? nins?" i just stare at the text knowing i'm still shaking too much to type. ricky's voice catches me off guard, "asshole," he states very plainly. i look up to him confused, "he doesn't get to call you nins and he sure as hell doesn't have the right to speak to you after letting that happen." and he pulls me closer against him. "it wasn't his fault," my heart skips after mentioning what literally just happened for the first time. "maybe not his fault entirely, but he definitely-" i cut ricky off, "can we just forget about it?" i ask quietly. that's when ricky kisses the top of my head, which he has never ever done before. it was weirdly comforting and loving though.

ricky's pov

ej drops us off at my house and i lead nini up to my room. we always sleep over at her house, but never at mine. i'm high on a lot of different emotions from tonight, but nini is my only concern right now. she has yet to show hardly any emotion. it's like she isn't even there. just a straight face and dried tears that come and go. as soon as we enter my room, she asks me, "can i take a shower? i just. um. feel gross." "of course. i'll get you clothes real quick." she sits on my bed to take off her shoes, while i go to my closet to grab a hoodie and look in my drawers for a pair of sweatpants that have a string on the waistband so she can adjust them to her small frame. i place them on my bathroom counter before she goes to take her shower.

general pov

once ricky hears the shower start, he breaks down. when he was comforting nini, all he thought about was taking care of her. this didn't allow him to fully think about everything in the moment. his mind is racing with what nini must've been thinking and feeling, what would've happened if he didn't get there when he did, how he should've been with her the entire time despite greyson's presence, the rage he felt for seeing that guy pinning nini to the wall, and how scared he was for knowing that he had it in him to beat someone up. he falls back onto his bed as he tries to process everything from the night. his eyes start to fill with tears, but he fights letting them fall. while he's stuck in his head, nini is feeling the same but more while she's showering. she scrubs her body harshly trying to remove the feeling of his hands on her body engrained in her head. somehow she hasn't run out of tears to cry. once she steps out of the shower, ricky hears the water stop running and wipes his face to hide the fact that he was crying. nini gets dressed and feels instant safety from his scent and the warmth of the clothes.

nini's pov

i step out of the bathroom leaving the clothes i had on, on the bathroom floor. i don't want to see those clothes again. they're just a reminder of what happened now. i approach ricky who's sitting on the side of his bed. my face softens when our eyes meet, "what's wrong?" i ask as i see the redness in his eyes. "i'm really sorry nins," i sit next to him and just shake my head slowly. i don't want to think about this anymore. after a long pause i know he picks up on it. "so i'll be downstairs on the couch if you need me," he says while pushing himself off of the bed to stand. i grab his hand and my eyes start to tear up again at the thought of being left alone, "no. please?" is all i get out. hopefully what i said makes sense. he nods at me before he moves to close his door and turn out the lights.

ricky's pov

nini gets into bed pulling the comforter close to herself and i crawl in just after her. i'm nervous that i'll do something to make her uncomfortable. she wraps her arm around my torso and snuggles as close as she can against me the second i'm under the comforter too. her touch makes my heart flutter. she reaches for my hand to hold. even with the darkness she can see the bruises that formed on my knuckles from throwing punches. her head turns up to look at me on my chest, "i'm really sorry ricky," and i already start to see the tears forming in her eyes. she looks back down to my hand and looks over the bruises. "no nini. this isn't your fault. and they don't hurt," i can tell that she doesn't buy it. "i'm the reason you're hurt," she tells me not making eye contact by locking her eyes on my hands. "nins please listen to me. i'm serious," she sits up and turns to my face. in my dark room all i can see are her glassy eyes and the hurt on her face. "nothing about tonight is your fault," i try to tread carefully with my words. i want to say more, but she starts to allow herself to cry freely for the first time tonight. i sit up pulling her into me. we sit like this for a few minutes. my heart is breaking for nini, but there's nothing i can do to fix this. i lay us down like we were. my arms are wrapped around her holding her close while her head lays on my chest. she reaches a hand out to hold mine against her chest. she eventually falls asleep in tears. i lay awake a bit longer just thinking about her until sleep overcomes me as well.