letters

letter 4

"Sissy!" My little sister Raquel says to me excitedly. "What Rony?" I ask her. "I like Eli!" She says to me. I roll my eyes and smile at her. "I'm gonna get a boyfriend before you do." Raquel says to me. She probably was right. Nobody likes me for me, it's usually just got nudes. I check my phone, I've got a lot of notifications. I don't really look through them. I get up and get ready for school. I wear a hoodie and sweatpants. I grab my water bottle and put some apple juice in it. "Aren't you going to take something for lunch?" My mama asks me hopefully. "Catie is gonna bring me something." I say back to her and smile. I turn around and put my airpods in. I'm starving. But I can't bring myself to eat. My mama takes us to school and I go find Addison and Catie. "I'm gonna miss you." Addison says to me. "And eat something today, please." Addison says. Addison got in trouble yesterday. So now she's got in school suspension for like 2 days. So for now it's just me and Catie. "I brought you the chips you like, you do need to eat something Christina." Catie says to me. I nod my head. But I know that I couldn't bring myself to eat. I wasn't good enough to eat or live. We walk back to class. Catie is talking to me about something and she goes to grab my wrist. I move quickly and play it off that she scared me. I don't know how longer I can do this. Act like everything is fine, it's really not. "You okay?" Catie asks me. I nod my head. I don't want to hurt her, or Addison. Deep down there's this thing in the back of my head that tells me that they'd be fine without me. And that may be true. Catie hands me the bag of chips. I hadn't ate since yesterday, I think. Catie watches me as I eat. "Don't go throw it up." She says and looks at me. "I know." I say. "We need Christina Ward to come to the counselors office." Comes over the intercom. Catie looks at me. And a few random glances for other kids and I go to the counselors office. Mrs. Dibbs is waiting in her office for me. "Christina, we've heard some things that have been happening to you, and we need to talk about them." She says to me. Well let's be honest, nobody helped me the first time. They won't help me the second. "I not eating. Oh and I've started cutting again. You're not here to help me, just make me feel bad about myself." I say and stand up. I pull up my hoodie sleeve. It's worse than it was the first time. "Respectfully, fuck you and this dumb ass school. You can't help me, you don't want to waste the time. So fuck off and leave me alone." I say to her and walk out. I walk straight out of the school building. I text the groupchat. In a matter of seconds Addison comes outside with me. Catie soon follows. "What did the counselor talk to you about?" Catie asks. "My ACT scores, she said they were good." I tell Catie. "Did you at least eat?" Addison asks. "Yep." I say. Our principal comes out of the school doors and starts yelling at us to come back inside. Addison, Catie, and I all look at each other. "Did you bring your car?" I ask Addison. Addison nods her head and smiles. "Fuck you." I yell and flick our principal off. We all start running to Addison's car. If I'm eventually going to die, might as well raise hell before I do it.
Eventually.