Summer Love!

2 hearts afraid

The next morning I woke up I felt nauseous immediately I sat there and immediately went into my own head space I thought to myself what have I done I'm being unfair to the both of us I leave in 6 weeks I needed to go run and think about this when I slid from under Nialls arm he smiled and pulled me into him he said where are you going I lied and said I was going to use the bathroom he said in a playful voice dont leave me yet I said I'll be back knowing I was not he kissed me and whispered I love you I gave a quick smile and said yeah I hurriedly got up and headed in the bathroom to use it and tiptoed out of the room and headed down to Penelope's room me and her we're the same size I knocked quietly and hoped she would anwser she came to the door still half asleep as it was only 8am when she saw me standing there she quickly opened the door and said are you alright what's wrong I said I need to borrow some cloths and get dressed in here so I can go running she said oh no what's wrong I said nothing she said you only act like this when you 1 regret something or 2 are nervous or scared about something or 3 your running from a problem I said maybe all 3 how about those cloths she said of course I tiptoed in and noticed she wasnt alone Louis had stayed the night with her I instantly looked at her and apologized I was interrupting her she said you know the rule hoes over bros always I smiled I grabbed some jogging pants and a work out shirt and jacket and threw on a pair of her sneakers threw on my head phones and headed out the air was brisk this morning but it felt good I took off I didnt know where I was headed to I just ran and as I did all these things ran through my head. Have I made a mistake, do I really love him, am I playing him,should I have slept with him, I also realized my knee really hurt but I was running through it as I continued to run I felt tears building up but it wasnt the pain causing them it was my heart I knew I really had feelings for him but I couldn't do long distance I turned my music up louder and ran harder I ended up at the end of town where the train station was I sat down on the bench facing the water finally letting the tears flow. I finally checked my phone I had 15 missed calls and 10 text messages I opened them up Niall was upset he said I know this is what you do when your scared or regret something or your running from something Penelope told me. so which is it do you regret what we did last night do you regret what you told me last night I dont understand last night was one of the best nights of my life please answer me or come back to your place so we can talk I'm not leaving here until we talk. I knew I had to go back at some point I decided I would walk instead of run my knee was swollen when I finally made it back I hesitated going in when I did there he sat in silence glaring at the black tv screen he didnt even budge when the door shut i went straight to the bathroom to shower i was drenched in sweat I ran the water and got in it felt so good on my body I took my time in there because I was not ready to face him I knew he was upset and angry and he had a right to be when the water started to fade cold I got out and wrapped the towel around me I then walked into my room and sifted through my closet I grabbed some sweats and threw them on and started to brush my hair I braided it to the side I then went in to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee and headed back into my room and laid down I could still smell his scent lingering on my pillows I took it in and started remembering everything from last night it was an amazing feeling last night feeling him on me smelling his scent having his arms around me as I slept I started to cry it was in that moment that I realized I didnt think it was a mistake I didnt regret it I was scared of everything that comes after that and what happens in the end I layed there tears streaming when I heard a tap on the door I said yeah the door cracked open it was Niall he stood there just staring at the wall across from the door he walked in I sat up in bed not looking at him tears still streaming he said I need to know what last night was to you what did it mean to you I told you last night not to tell me you loved me if you didn't mean it I said I told you I dont say things I dont mean he spat so do you regret saying it do you regret having sex with me I cried even harder and shook my head no. He yelled again then what the hell was it I said I love you but. I knew there was a but I got off the bed my knee really hurt I was limping I walked over to him and tried to put my hands on his face he jerked it out my hands I whispered please he said I cant allow you to break my heart I said please listen to me he said talk I said I'm afraid that's what it is I lifted my trembling hands up to his face please baby I'm so sorry if I could turn back time I would definatly not do what I did this morning I'm a runner I run when I'm scared stressed or regret but today this morning I ran because I was afraid I've never felt more afraid or vulnerable of something as I did this morning I've never   felt like this before not even when I was with Rob for 8 years your the first one to make me feel like this and my heart is already breaking thinking about in 6 weeks I'm gonna be leaving on a plane to go to a different country not a different state or county or across the United states a different FUCKING country I was yelling now I said my heart cant deal with this I'm dying inside because the more we go on the more I fall in love with you he put his arms around me I tried to jerk away but his grip was to tight he pulled me into his chest I gave in and cried into his chest he backed up and wiped my face and said look at me I'm in love with you and we're gonna figure this out he then kissed me on my forehead then my nose and then on my lips I kissed him back and before I knew it we we're on my bed again he whispered I want to make love not just have sex with you he then slowly kissed me on my lips I lifted his shirt off and then he lifted mine he kissed me on my stomach all the way up to my neck his breath on my neck gave me goosebumps his tongue slowly worked from the bottom of my neck up to my ear lobe he gently bit on my ear and whispered I am completely and utterly in love with you I dont wanna ever have to imagine a world without you in it he then took my pants off and he slid out of his and with one quick move he was inside of me and we were making love after he whispered promise if we go to sleep when I wake up you wont be gone i smiled and said I'm here for the long hall he softly kissed me and wrapped his arms around me my head was on his chest I listened to his heartbeat as I dozed off. When I woke up I layed there watching him sleep I traced the shape of his mouth with my finger he smiled and kissed my finger tip he opened his eyes and said I thought I was dreaming that you were still here I said nope I'm here he rolled over so he was facing me he said how about we shower and then I'll take you out for dinner I said let's lay here for a minute I layed there running my finger up and down his chest taking it all in I then leaned up and kissed his chest then his neck and then his ear I then whispered baby I'm so in love with you It scares me he then whispered im just as scared but we're worth the fight. When we finally got up and showered we decided to go out on the town to get something to eat while we were out we ran in to the girls and the other guys they decided to join us then Peyton said dont forget tomorrow is girls day out that means you too McKenzie remeber our pack Hoes over bros I smiled and said yes girls I'm in Niall kinda looked mad but didnt say anything when we went out to walk on the town he pulled me aside and said remeber what happened last time you went out with them I whispered back you have to trust me if we dont have trust this isnt gonna work we quickly went to catch up with the others we went by the ABC store and decided to buy some alcohol to drink in tonight. Once we got back we headed to Harry's place as his was the biggest I decided not to drink but everyone else was throwing them back Niall was way wasted and everytime I was talking to one of the guys he'd come and throw himself all over me it was kinda over barring I decided to slip outside on the porch to get some air thinking everyone else was inside I got startled when I heard a deep voice ask me you needed some air too I quickly glanced over it was Zayn I smiled and said yeah he said I needed it to we sat out and talked a good 30 minutes before i headed inside the group inside was playing never have i ever it was Nialls turn and he blurted out Never have I ever had a girlfriend sleep with my brother and get pregnant there was a weird silence and everybody looked around at one another and then at me he then said oh No ok so just me he then chugged the bottle of Jameson and said next I waited until nobody was paying  attention and snuck out I guess Zayn saw me and followed he said it's late let me walk you over he threw a jacket over my shoulders and walked me back to my room I locked the doors because I couldn't deal with Niall tonight like that and went and showered and went to bed the next morning I had no new text or phone calls which was weird but honestly he probally didnt even realize I was gone he was so wasted I was exited today was a girls day out I could process what I heard last night and gather my feelings seems like he had more baggage than I thought there was 2 things I couldn't deal with 1 was jealousy and 2 was trust issues.