Communion of Darkness & Light » Sigtryggr || The Last Kingdom

Worse than Death

Aelfwynn's hands trembled as she pinned her thick braid in a crown around her head. Taking another fine, bone pin from between her teeth, she secured the heavy hair to her scalp and smoothed away any loose strands. Two veils chosen by her handmaid were spread out on her dressing table. Bypassing the vanity of the silken headdress that her father had gifted her, the feathery cloth been brought all the way from Byzantium, she choose the linen one. It was clean and efficient, humble.

If she was going to become a bride of Christ, she wanted to look the part. Perhaps God would see her piety and move on her father's heart. She was surely destined for the convent, not mortal marriage.

Eoferwic has been given over once again. Her father's words from that afternoon echoed in her memory. But under special circumstances.

I thought there was peace? She had questioned, eyes dancing from Osferth to her father as they brooded before her in the fading light. I thought the heathens had been driven from our lands?

Yes and no, daughter. 

She asked them what that could possibly have to do with her. Father's smile had been brief, almost sad. But he had embraced her and told her to ready herself for a feast that evening. She nodded obediently and turned to leave.

Daughter. Her father's voice had almost broken. The sound made her heart drop to her stomach. Do you trust me?

Wetting her lips, she smiled gently into his strained expression. As I trust my father in Heaven.

Her shoulders were tense and motions jerky with anxiety as she dressed for the feast. Straightening the dark blue surcoat over her linen shift, she wound a black belt around her waist. She draped the bronze crucifix that had been her mother's around her head. The cross hung between her breasts, shielding her heart. With a shaky breath, Aelfwynn dropped to her knees and clasped her hands.

"Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven," she murmured. "Father in Heaven, You know the desire of my heart to serve You. I believe it is Your will for me to live a life dedicated to Your kingdom on this earth, till You see if fit for me to join You after death. I humbly ask you to intercede on my behalf. Father is keeping something from me... I feel it..." she sighed, her face collapsing into her hands. "I fear the worst. Forgive me for my faithlessness."

The image of the stranger watching her in the courtyard that day returned to her memory. Her heart sped to a gallop. 

"Your holy word says to fear not, for You are with me. Even to the ends of the earth. I accept Your will." Tears threatened to overflow, but she kept her composure. "If You see it fit for me to marry, I ask for a husband that seeks You as I seek You. Someone as penitent as our late and honorable, King Alfred. I wish for a marriage like the King Alfred and Queen Ælswith, a love that would mirror the relationship between the church and Christ. Please... please..."

Her whole body was shaking now. Surely, her father would find her a man that was a true Christian. Surely, she would not be bound to a husband like her brothers. They attended church, but were no better than heathens. Drinking, whoring, killing in battle without mercy... she had heard many tales of her two older brothers. Eorhic had two bastard children already by a peasant woman that he would never marry.

"Please, if not the convent, let my husband be a Godly man," she begged again, terrified at being bound for life to such a belligerent character. "Even if he is old, even if he is ugly or infirm in body. Only let his soul be good. Truly good-"

"My lady?" A sharp rap came at the door.

Aelfwynn jumped, her blue eyes snapping open.

"My lady? Are you ready? The meal is about to be served."