These Little Things

33. Is it me?

Is it me? Did I do something wrong?

No baby, it's not you, it's me

I dont want to talk about it.

I dont know why she cant just tell me whats wrong. If I can fix it then I will. That's how it is when you are with someone and you love them. You want to make sure that if there's anything you can do to make them more comfortable then you do it. It was after sex too. Damn. Was I too pushy? Too rough? Did i make her feel some type of way without meaning to? idk. Is it me? Is it actually me?

I had a dream of her and I last night. It was weird. Jessie was in it too.

I was being taken care of by Jessie and idk why she was. i loved it but i dont know why she had to do it. coincidentally, last night we talked about if i go lipo, would she take of me and she said she would so maybe it was my mind thinking about that. but also after that I dreamt that I was at Xcaret with stupid ass meme and i felt unsafe and guilty. We weren't doing anything, we were trying to get tickets to get out because somehow we snuck into there. I was nervous. Then all of a sudden, I was in a bathroom watching someone else film a porno and the cops were flashing the lights from down below into the room and they kept trying to film while the cops were saying that we needed to leave. then Jessie grabs me and saved me. we were trying to get away when a huge wave took us out and made us fall off a cliff. On the way down, i remember thinking "well this is it. I love my family, I love jessie" and we hit the ground and we survived. I was so shocked. i was expecting to be in pain but I wasnt. I got up and Jessie was struggling.  I was so concerned for her and we finally found a way to get back up the cliff. we kept being pulled back from the wave but we made it up and i just woke up.

I dont know what the dream means but Im about to google it. brb

apparently Im either about to be put in a situation where it changes my life in a positive way or im entering a difficult part of my life. but i should go with the flow. soooo i guess we'll see what the fuck happens lol. I just fucking know i better still end up with jessie because i love her so much and i will never want any one else ever again. ON GOD.