I feel my heart wince as it is being tugged harsher the more I think about him and what he has done. I feel my eyes burn with tears as I overthink while he is gone. Is his warmth being taken by another body when I am not there? Are his hours filled with someone else's attention while mine are filled with anxiety from waiting for his reply?
I keep telling myself that I don't have to worry but last time he went without me all day, I got a shot blown into my heart.
Then he replies and I feel like my heart is no longer sagging with loneliness since he now has taken it and twisted it to drain it out like a soaked paper towel. And that's my cue to get into the shower and soak my body while I sit on the floor and cry out the doubt I had and feel like I can't trust him anymore even though I know I love him.
I love him so deeply, I don't want to leave him. I think he knows he has control over me. I have these pockets of confidence when I am fully sure of myself and I strictly believe I don't need him but then I start to think of how it was when there was that short period of time when we weren't together. It was dull and full of panic attacks and I had no sense of direction because my plans had always included him.
Every time I inhale from the cancer stick, I think of him. I think of how he has control over my body. Every stutter in my breath is because of his presence. I look at him with love and watch him in awe. When he says my name or calls me baby, my whole body warms. When he places his hand on my thigh, my legs quiver and my pulse quickens.
I love him but sometimes it worries me how he has total control.
YOU ARE READING
These Little Things
RomanceThese little poem...they aren't really poems. I don't know what they are but read them and tell me how you feel about these lol. BY THE WAY: please please do not take credit for these because they are my words. My thoughts. I wrote them. Not you. I...
