Living as Four (Polyamory and brown skin)

Still sad

 I had just gotten out of a meeting with Anderson. We were talking about the next big fashion shows and makeup companies who would we would have to network heavily to get me a spot inside. Once we had a made a game plan, I was finally free. I had just enough time in the day to go shopping for groceries. We were running low, since Mira was too tired from work and stuck in her head to really do anything else, but sit in one place for a few hours.

The closest grocery store near us was fifteen minutes away by car. On the drive there I contemplated what to make Mira and Neta for dinner. I wanted to make them something special for dinner. Something flavorful but soothing. A dish that makes people come alive and remind them, 'You can make it through this. I'm here.'

 It had been a week since Copia had left so abruptly. I knew the waiting by the phone, late nights with no email responses was tiring them out in more ways than one. Hopefully this meal would revive some of their senses and encourage movement. Scrolling through various apps on my phone I found a recipe from Nanaaba's Kitchen where she made Ghanaian Chicken Stew.

I had made this before with family and they really liked it. So I figured it would be a hit over here as well just with less chicken or none. Our biggest meat eater was not here to eat it therefore I did not need to make as much. We had many of the spices for the recipe at home so I only had to pick up extra bay leaves and paprika in that department.

In the long isles of the local supermarket. I pushed a silver cart filled with 2lbs of tomatoes , a bag of onions, ginger root, a small bushel of thyme, a small bushel of rosemary, and vegetable stock. Scott bonnet was next on my list. 

I had to walk all the way from the fresh produce isle to the one that held ginger beer and canned Jamaican Jackfruit. It wasn't as good as the Jackfruit you can get locally in Jamaica, but it was the only close second I had in California. I decided that jackfruit and black beans would be enough to substitute for the meat in the dish.

I had a thought in the car earlier on the way over , that if I softened the jackfruit and pounded it into a paste with black beans and then add a little bit of flour I would still be able to fry them and add it into the Ghanaian tomato stew. While I was not that skilled to turn these fruits and legumes into a chicken leg shape, I think the effort would be acknowledged in flavor and time.

I chuckled to myself and completed my shopping spree to the cashier realm. Once check out I walked through the parking lot in with a smile on my face. It was a good day when my only worry was about what meal to cook for my girlfriends. I slipped the grocery bags into the back on my Nissan Leaf and gracefully pulled out of the parking lot. I was headed home!

My shoes thudded up the steps as I chuckled to myself and put the key into the door. The door opened to reveal a sight, I was not anticipating. My eyes took in the sight of three people sitting comfortably on the black leather couch. My heart dropped into my stomach as I took in the scene of Mira gathered in Copia's arms, while Netarute sat to the right of them. 

Her legs curled into the couch and on top of her lap was her hands making good work, gently caressing Copia's calfs. They were laughing – like nothing had happened. With a thud, I dropped the two colorful clothed grocery bags to the ground. My heart that had dropped into my stomach started searing as if ambers were  being reignited by the wind. 

For the first time I was pissed at Mira and Netarute. How could they accept her back so easily? If I were them, Copia would not have the right to walk through the door without some kind of explanation first! And yet here they are snuggling her without asking for anything in return. Flames lit in belly grew purchase. I knew in a situation like this forgiveness was key, but I couldn't swallow that here, right now. 

 Copia had on mascara, her eyebrows filled in. Her face was made up with foundation as if she was on her way to one of the shoots not a jet lagged had to deal with family issues all week face. Her lips were plumped and highlighted with the dark  plum lipstick that she wore so often. In contrast, Mira and Netarute still looked tired as if they had not had a good sleep in days. They looked drained, dark circles still under their eyes despite their smiles. 

No, I could not forgive blindly. Knowing that these woman had suffered more than the one who caused them pain. Copia had slashed at their hearts without so much as a phone call and they had forgiven her. My chest was heavy with angry breathe. 

"Hey!" Mira said brightly once she saw me in the door way. I was instantly more annoyed at Mira's 'look who's back' tone.

 Sure they were happy to see her, but I hadn't forgotten the way she had treated me before she left and I definitely hadn't forgotten that she was the one who had made them cry everyday. And I sure as shit hadn't forgotten that she was the reason I'd been sleeping in my bed, alone. I grated my teeth, holding back the words I wanted to say because they were not all for Mira.

"So your back, Just like that you are back,?" I said flatly, before closing the front door with a firm slam. My insides were preparing for a fight while my head was trying to talk me out of it. Eventually I would decide my head can take a back seat for a sec.

"Cual es problema?" 'What's her problem?', Copia whispered in a low dismissive voice in Spanish. Netarute looked between us cautiously for a moment, before glaring at Copia and tugging on her shirt a little, 

"Copia be nice." There was not much change, but it wasn't like she even wanted to anything to undo the damage she had done in the first place.

"Katiyah" Mira spoke in a soft voice welcoming me home brightly. I wanted to smile at her, but I couldn't muster up the energy. I felt guilty for not being able to return Mira's smile, but I wasn't the one at fault for that. I just stared at them and dropped my douffle bag on the ground next to the groceries, giving myself time to figure out truly what I was going to say. Placing my hands on my hips in the process, pushing my jacket behind me. 

I turned my head away from them toward the kitchen. Thoughts were flying through my mind and I could not help curling my lips inward trying to figure out some stability. After a pause I was able to gather my thoughts and returned with a full on glare at Copia.  

"Number one, You ruined my dinner!" I was stating a fact. My voice was firm and accusing but not loud. Yet.

"Number two, Who do you think you are to ask what my problem is? You already know."

Copia tensed and changed sitting positions. She looked at me with a face that said, caution. A say from my mother rolled through my head about not throwing stones at glass house. The last point I wanted to make was, 'Number three, How dare you show back up here with no explanation,' but I was not brave enough to to say the last one so it just came out as a sneer.

"And number three, How could you do that them?" It would be easier to guilt trip Copia if it was about them instead of me. She did not give two shits about me just them. Or so she says. Copia moved into a proper sitting position and shifted Mira off of her lap to the seat on the left. Copia dragged her hands on her cargo green capris.

" I wont ask about your dinner but I think you do have a problem. i know you have a problem otherwise your face would look like you wish to kill me. Why do you even care what I do? It doesn't involve you."

I scoffed and paced further into the living in, past the tv screen before facing back to them.

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