Living as Four (Polyamory and brown skin)

Working through it...

I was grateful Mira wasn't be back until later in the evening and Netarute had left again before I woke up.

I thought it over all night.  I thought it over again in the morning. I got only 4 hours of sleep making me over tired for my photo shoot. I made it to my shoots, but I was hopelessly slow physically drained after it and cancelled my other meetings for the rest of that day. Anderson chastised me, but I was lucky none of those meetings were important ones I had to be at.

Not a good impression I was putting on but I had to figure out if I was safe were I was. Would Copia slander me again? Would Mira and Neta not stick up for me? Would I get kicked out if we didn't get along again? 

Worse would be all three of them. I couldn't keep baring the brunt like this if I was going to live  hear. I know deep in my heart I didn't deserve to be someone else punching for some else's insecurities.

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The following day, I was quiet through my meeting with Anderson. She picked up on it right away and I couldn't cover it with any Lie. I shrugged And looked off to the right of her face, not being able to directly look into her eyes. 

"Don't give me that, 'It's nothing' bullshit. " She was determined and she leaned over slightly to steady her gaze to mine. So much I had in my hand was lowered from my chin to my lap. I averted my gaze downward at the white marble table that was between us.

She didn't drop it either. 

"Whatever happened let me tell you. You need to resolve that shit soon whether its dropping them or talking it out." Her gaze was unwavering towards me  as if she had superpowers that could shift through every memory I had. Thank gods she didn't. I just nodded, uncomfortable with my desire to tell her about my situation as we had only met each other a few weeks ago.

" You've worked so hard to be here. Don't let it ruin your work." I nodded again, "I'll try my best." And with that the conversation died.  I couldn't deny her wisdom, but I didn't trust her enough to let her know everything. The wound was too new, my situation too fresh, I had to process it on my own before I could get others input. 

Eventually, we turned back to the topic of planning out my shoots for the next few weeks and all the other company meetings that I should not cancel. She emphasized the last part, not to my surprise. 

I was grateful  she let the topic go, but I knew I had to get this issue out of my system before it ruined everything I had worked so hard to accomplish. I I didn't know to begin and talking to Myra and Neta about the situation. On one hand, they can be receptive about it and understand from my point of view. 

On the other hand, they can take Copia's point of view and kick me out of the house. Then I would have nowhere to live and no partners. Emotional connection severed. I doubt that they were only  going take one of our sides. I think they might meet us in the middle somewhere, but rejection is still scary at this age sometimes.

I replayed Copia and I's conversation over in my head during the periods of the day where I had a break. Which is mostly in the car going back and forth to meetings and auditions. The things that I could come up with were that Copia was a hurt woman was likely having something to do with men stealing her partners.

 It must have been something that has happened in the past.  Copia must have some baggage with bisexual women, maybe because of Sandra. Cis-gendered Bisexual women because of their ability to fit into the status quo when the partners change. It is true if a cis gendered woman walks down the street  with a man on her arm that shall be presumed straight automatically given privileges. But if on her arm was another woman, those privileges are instantly revoked and she could be questioned, terrorized and or discriminated against.