Jack's Deathnote ~Jalex~

Chapter 12

I sat in my room staring at my alarm clock, glowing bright red with the numbers 23:15. Forty five minutes until Kellin wanted me to meet him, and I only had fifteen minutes to decide due to the fact it'll take easily twenty-twenty five minutes to get there. The whole thing had been playing on my mind ever since lunch, so many different outcomes going around my head.

Of course, the worst two, where either me ended up dead, or behind bars. Then there was the best outcome, Kellin joins me, we work together and everything works out. Naturally of course I wanted the best outcome, but doesn't everyone in life? And sadly we don't always get what we want now do we?

I sighed running my hands through my hair. "I dunno..."
"Yeah me neither, sorry, I'm not exactly helpful." Alex looked at me sympathetically. "I either can't tell you or I don't even know myself, useless huh?"
"No, not at all." I gave him a small smile, getting off my desk chair and joined him sitting on the end of the bed. "Think I'd have gone insane by now if it wasn't for you."
"You're sat in your room, talking to a Shinigami, in a relationship, with a Shinigami..." He raised an eyebrow at me.
"You know what I mean." I rolled my eyes and gave a little chuckle.
"Yeah I do." He chuckled too, taking my hand in his. "So, you gonna go?"
"I don't have much choice. I need to know if he really is the second note holder and what his intentions are if he is. I mean I'm almost certain he is, but his intentions, that's what I'm unsure of, and that's what's worrying me. Not only could it end really badly for me, but..."
"It could end badly for us too." Alex finished, with a sad look in his eyes.
"Exactly." I have a small nod.

I wished badly that this could be simple. All I wanted was to be with Alex, happy, was that so wrong? My intentions when I started, where simply to rid the world of a few awful criminals. You know, just make a small difference in the world and maybe, just maybe if other criminals saw what was happening they'd stop too, in fear of loosing their life. But now my intentions where slightly different. The only reason I kept the note, and kept wanting to write names was to keep Alex. I knew I could go four hundred and ninety days without writing in the note before loosing ownership naturally. But, I'd be lying if my original intentions weren't still there, Alex just gave me a reason to carry on.

If this ended up with me behind bars, he could still be around for those four hundred and ninety days, but we wouldn't be able to be together. No kissing, no being intimate, no actual being together physically, counting down the days until I would loose him. It would drive me completely insane going through that.
If it ended in me dying, I can only imagine the heartache it would cause Alex, and that broke my heart too. He would eventually move on I guess, but that wasn't the point. I never wanted to hurt Alex in anyway.
But I guess in the long run, it would never end in us living happily ever after, how could it?

Even if I didn't get caught, one day my natural life span would be up and well, I'd die, but Alex would live, without me, and loose me, forever. Or if it came to the point I had to give up ownership...I would loose all memories, forget him, while Alex was left with the memories. Either situation ended up with me being fine, but Alex the one hurting. Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn't we just be happy together and one day die together an old married couple? It sucked.

"I wish we could too...sorry I was listening in. But, don't worry about me, right now you need to worry about you." He gave me a small smile and kissed my forehead.
"It just sucks this won't end the way we want." I sighed.
"I know but, right now we need to worry about this meeting in...forty minutes. Are you going?"
I was silent for a moment, debating with myself but then nodded. "Yeah I'll go."
"What if it goes wrong?"
"Well I have his name, and my deathnote I guess if push comes to shove. But I hope his intentions are to help me, rather then destroy me."
"Yeah, I hope so too." He placed a hand on my cheek and pressed his lips against mine. "Wrap up warm, it's a little chilly out there tonight, don't want you getting ill."
"Awww aren't you the ever caring boyfriend." I smiled, brushing my nose against his.
"Yes, yes I am, don't want to see you ill so do as your told." Alex giggled, kissing my cheek and I got myself ready.