New To This

Bonus after In Love With You

I actually almost cried writing this. No I Cried.

As I drive back home minding my own business I realize something and park right in front of Lucas's building. I don't even care if he's home and I know he's not because knowing Lucas he never comes right home. A part of me wants to just go up to his apartment and wait with Ms. Hamilton who probably has some good food. I could actually use some food right now, but I have no intentions of seeing my father. I think Daya said everything that needed to be said.

I should just text Lucas but I don't care enough to do so as I pace in front of the large apartment building. For a second I think about just going home, but I don't and sit down on the porch steps. After five minutes Lucas pulls up in the pastors car or whatever like he really is somebody. I stand up and he gets out of the car with plastic Ralph's bags. I can see stems of celery, and I already know Ms. Hamilton made him get all of the groceries because he doesn't do shit.

"Zi what you doing here, you forgive me already?" He says as he walks over to me.

I don't wait a minute to get to my point. "You didn't say sorry," I say.

Lucas scrunches his brows and stands with me in front of the apartment complex. "What?" He says. Then I guess he goes back to our conversation. "Yeah I did."

I shake my head. "No, you called my girlfriend a bitch and you didn't say sorry." Something I realized way too late.

"Oh I'm sorry, you know I didn't mean that man."

I cut him off. "No I don't this is the second time, and you did it when we broke up this year, and I let you off too easy."

Lucas puts the bags down at his feet. My stomach growls just a little at the sight of the bags of Doritos, and the hungry part of me just wants to kill the tension eat some chips and then get back to telling him off.

"Ziyah come on it was just a joke." He still has a smile on his face as he runs his hands through his dreads. He looks me right in my eyes which is fucking weird but whatever. "Zi come on were like brothers."

I shake my head. "I don't think we should be friends anymore."

For a moment, a single second, Lucas looks across the street, and lets his guard down, and I see it. He has the same face he had in elementary school when he almost broke his skull doing a stupid skating trick. For some reason I didn't think I had the power to hurt him, but I guess that's not the case, no matter how hard he tries to hide it.

"Your my brother," he says again not looking me in my eyes.

I honestly don't know what to say, I thought this would be easy. In a way it is because I know I'm doing the right thing. But seeing Lucas without a single joke hurts. I'm definitely too old for this. Lucas is still mentally 12 years old, and I'm not, at the least I'm like mentally 15, and I just know this friendship isn't really working.

"I just I don't know I don't think this dynamic works anymore, I'm sorry Lucas," I say. I stick out my hand and he just looks at it with his hands still on his head.

I begin walking back to the car and then something hits me in the back of the head. I turn around to see the bag of Doritos sitting on the street. Family size.

"I have no one else," he yells. "I don't have any other friends,." A part of me wants to say what about Navia and all of those kids at the skater park, but this ain't the time.

"I don't either," I say but not really yell like him.

"You have her!" he yells and picks up the bags of groceries. He doesn't bother looking at the bag of Doritos that's at my feet as he bust through the see through doors. I don't really know how to feel, but I know Ms. Hamilton doesn't like wasting food so I put the bag of Doritos in front of the complex before going back home where a weight feels lifted off my shoulder.

Third POV
Lucas bust through the doors of his apartment to see Ms. Hamilton standing in the kitchen washing dishes.

"How was the store," Ms. Hamilton began to say before she walked over to the living room where Lucas stood boiling, gripping the Ralph's bags like someone was going to take them.

Ms. Hamilton automatically knew something was wrong as she slowly approached her son. "Baby what's wrong?"

Lucas tried his best to suck it all in. "There there- was no more Doritos," he stammered before dropping off the bags on the dining table and rushing into his room. He didn't expect it but the second he sat on his bed, he dropped his head in his hands, and sobbed. Alice thought to just leave him alone, but the fury in his eyes scared her a bit. She went up to his room where the door was wide open, and slowly walked in  ignoring the mess. She sat next to him on his bed after mistakenly sitting on some of his socks and throwing them across the room.

Lucas scooted away from her but there was only so much room on the bed. He tried his best to conceal his tears, but they were just coming out of him. Eventually Alice wrapped her arm around him.

"What's wrong Lucas?" She said.

Lucas hesitated but he couldn't help it as he began sniff and do his best at holding back his tears. "Zi's not my friend anymore, and I have no one, and it's all my fault, and I'm all alone." In that second he dropped his head in Alice's shoulder who never had seen that amount of emotion from her son.

Lucas cried in to Alice's shoulder. "I'm all alone and no one is going to love me, and it's going to be like this forever." Alice lightly rubbed his shoulder.

"Baby it's going to be okay," she said, but no matter how much she prayed for the first time she didn't really know if this was the case.