Inside my mind

2.

When we were together,
you made me feel like I could do just about anything.
Like I could go outside and be confident in a way I never was.
Like I didn't have to worry about how people saw me because it only mattered how you saw me. And you always looked at me like I was the only one in the room.
Now he gets to be looked at that way.
You do all of those things with him that you once did with me.
And that's okay. Because you're okay.
When you texted me and showed me that you hurt yourself, I almost cried.
I want to be that one that holds you again.
I want to be the one you text at night until you can't keep your eyes open anymore.
You were all I had for company.
You were the only one who tried to message me.
Now I'm back to the silent phone. No messages.
I turned on all my social media notifications so I could quit expecting messages from you.
Because they are no longer something that comes often.
You don't talk to me much because you have him.
And that's okay. Because you're okay.
Just knowing that somebody makes you happy the way I couldn't is enough for me.
But i just miss being that number one.... a lot.
I keep thinking I've gotten over you. And maybe I have. But I miss the things that we would do. Like going out til late and just being dorks together.
But now you get to do that with him. Oh lucky him.
Maybe I've moved on but I just miss the things we did. But something tells me I still miss you too.
It only feels right when I hug you.
I don't want to be touched in any way by anybody but you.
I want to be able to run my fingers on your knuckles again.
Lay on you and watch movies.
Fall asleep on call with you.
But I can't anymore. Because I fucked us up. And i don't deserve that kind of love anymore because I'm always the reason it has to end.
But it's okay.
Because you're okay.
- a