Inside my mind

3.

Sometimes, i'm almost over it. i start to think it's getting better. but that's always when i don't see you. i love seeing you though. but for some reason the feelings just come back every time you're around. i've gotten at ignoring them.
i know we're just friends.
you're my best friend.
and that's okay
you leave me with so many words on my tongue. so many actions only to be stuck an internal fight in my body.
i just want so badly to kiss you, hold your hand, tell you all the things i can't.
but that can't happen. you would hate me. so it's stuck only a dream. nothing more, nothing less.
you're on my mind almost every second of the day.
it may seem obsessive, and i know. i'm so sorry. i'm trying so hard to just get over it.
but i was truly in love with you in a way i've never been with anybody before. and for some reason, i just can't let go of that.
i'm scared you'll read this one day and know it's about you. and that you'll know who i am.
and i'm scared you'll hate me.
i don't wanna loose you. you're such a great friend. you're one of the only few who understands my personality and my way of showing affection and love towards friends.
you genuinely mean so much to me. way more than a friend yeah, but still, just as a friend you are everything to me.
you're my best friend. and if nothing more, that's okay.
because hey, you're okay right? you're slowly getting better.
sometimes i have moments where i think i am too, but i realize that's only because you're there to help me through shit. either way, you're important to me you stupid idiot.
you always will too. you're my best friend
i love you in more ways than one.
but i've come to accept that for the rest of the time we get to know each other, i can only openly love you in one of those ways. and that's okay. because i've accepted what we are and what we were meant to be.
but just because i've accepted it doesn't mean i've moved on.
you're so great to hug. your hugs bring me safety. your hugs and your smile mean home.
you're so dumb too. you make me laugh. and that's perfect.
you really are a great friend to have.
- a