Inside my mind

I'm irritated

I honestly try my best for every person that comes into my life. Doesn't matter if it's a friend or somebody I have gained feelings for. I communicate and I've grown to learn that you need to listen in order for the communication to be real. I have taught myself new ways to fix and work on myself for the sake of my health and bonds with other people. And I really do try my best. I don't use people as outlets for my issues unless they're welcoming to understand and listen to my issues or state of mind. And even then, I won't put every single detail into it.
I have had many talking phases in my life. And all of them have successfully come to be a relationship. I have been unstable for a long time even with the medications I've been given to help level out the conflicts of my mind. There's nothing wrong with having any sort of mental Illness. It doesn't make you a monster. It just is so hard to handle alone sometimes.
I feel like I can't be cared for by people unconditionally. I've grown so accustomed to sexual using myself for others and to appeal to the eyes of people around me that it's ruined my own self image. It's why I become so attached to people who seem to have interest in me. I've been able to pull whoever I find interest which helps me gain confidence in myself as a person. I'm even talking to somebody right now but I can't even tell what his feelings are half of the time.
He said he liked me and seems to still find interest in me but I rarely ever get to spend time with him. I do believe he's got good reason but it still bums me out. He's also not the best at texting which makes me overthink.
I really don't know what's so wrong with me anymore. I keep back tracking and finding comfort in things that aren't good for me
Why can't I stop?