IN THE MATTER OF MONTHS

19. Where do broken hearts go?

Tine packed the last bit of clothes, the last week of his stay in Phuket has taken a Toll on him. He had not been sleeping well and he couldn't concentrate wholeheartedly on his work. His crew was worried about him because they had never seen him this distraught but Tine could not bring himself to even pretend to be okay.

Maybe that's why Luke had decided to confront him that afternoon after Tine had messed up yet another sequence because he was distracted.

"Teepakorn, where's your head at?" "It's the last day, can you focus on the job at hand?" Luke looked irritated.

Tine had looked up at him eyes filled with fury, he wanted to lash out, cry, maybe even fight just so he could feel a little at peace. He was dying a little every day because of the guilt that was eating him up, the thing that bothered him the most was Sarawat's face when he finally realised that Tine had held him close only to let go when the time came, the fact that Tine knew exactly how it felt, the feeling of someone leaving you behind, the feeling of someone not wanting you enough, he had gone through everything and knew what it did to a person, yet he had somehow done the same thing to the man he claimed to love.

In the past, when he would miss Sarawat and remember their time together, the memory of him not doing anything to save what they had pierced his heart so much. He had broken Tine's heart and Tine loved him and despised him at the same time. He knew being broken-hearted was bad, but being the one to break someone's heart was so much worse.

Is this how Sarawat has been living all this time? Was Sarawat also living in regrets, in what ifs?

"Pull yourself together Teepakorn, you are a professional, act like one"

Luke pulled him into a warm hug tethering him to a little bit of sanity only a true friend could provide. Tine did not realize how much he needed it until it was thrust upon him. He clung to Luke, trying hard not to break down under the worried glances of his team. Luke rubbed his back and it was strangely similar to the way Fong used to hug him weeks into his supposed break-up with Sarawat.

It was never going to change, was it? It was always going to be Sarawat.

"Breathe in Nong, try to forget it for a while, and do your job right, I know it's hard but you can do it"

He handed him a cup of hot chocolate, Tine sipped small sips shifting closer to Luke but not meeting his eyes, they sat side by side on the bench, Luke took a break of 20 minutes on Tine's behalf and just let him pull himself together.

Luke smiled, remembering the first time he had met this gorgeous man, he was fresh out of college promising graduate, and had been earning himself a lot of praise by working as a talented assistant. In no time, Tine was given the position of a junior grapher, he was good at what he did and was always very focused. It was not very hard for him to become the chief grapher in his own project within 6 months.

Luke had never encountered a guy who could ignore his charms the way Teepakorn did, he was mesmerized but his affections were never returned. He often was amused by the younger guy.

Detached. Cold. Reserved.

But still smiled like the world was his,

Confident. Smart. Dedicated.

When Tine worked he looked ethereal, so into his element like he was born to do this, to lead the team for those perfectly shot videos. He became the most important link of the Team in no time. Luke often found Tine trying to involve every individual and taking their opinions on the team's tasks. He worked with everyone and smiled with everyone.