IN THE MATTER OF MONTHS

1. Acceptance

Chasing after perfection is futile.

It took me 25 years to get this through my thick skull. All my life I had been blindly chasing after perfection, comparing myself to the bars set by my family. But getting raised in a family like mine, I was always taught to be perfect. I had always had the perfect clothes styled by the best designer of the country, the best hair that was taken care of by my personal stylist, I was trained from a young age to hold myself when in public, to control my emotions, to never show weakness. I was the heir of the gunthithanon enterprises and I had an image to hold. When I was younger, i used to throw tantrums about how I did not like that my life was so controlled, but as I grew up, with each passing year i became more reserved and started accepting my reality, i was a Gunthithanon, and I had to bear that responsibility all my life, you cannot outrun your roots, you have to stay where you belong.

I had the best grades, I played football, and I also played the guitar, Music was my solace, I did it for myself, because music made me feel at peace, it made me feel like I was someone, someone worth living, not this half shell of a man i had become.

I might have started playing football to impress my dad, he was a huge fan of football, but I still couldn't get him to give me some attention, although he said he was proud when I made it to the senior football team only in my sophomore year but he never made it to my games, always giving me excuses about work commitments, it had hurt my fragile 16 year old heart, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

I accepted it, and soon stopped talking to him about football, i started to love the game for myself and when I was in senior year of high school I became the captain of my school team, but I never passed this information to my father. he did find out though, through one of his investors in a party that we were hosting for my father's newest business ventures. Apparently Mr michael, my father's investor had a son who was trying out for football selections and he wanted me to favour him, ofcourse, he said it in more sugar coated diplomatic arguments, but I heard the fact loud and clear, my father gave me an earful about not telling him that I made it being captain and instructed me to get the kid in. I sighed and scurried back to the comfort of my room.

I obviously did not favour the kid, I had my own rebellious ways and I also had my loyalties to the game, I wouldn't choose a player that wasn't really up to our level.

but the kid made it on his own and I realised that his father knew nothing about his zeal to get in. His father did not believe in him. The kid did not need his father to do his bidding, he was a talented player. His father just went ahead and discredited his own son's talents.Something my father would do too, are they all the same? The kid had looked up to me and smiled brightly telling me he wanted to learn a lot from me, my gut churned, I saw myself in him.

And that's when I realised I was not the only one who was going through this lonesome and mind numbing journey. But even though it gave me relief it never managed to make me feel any better.

My mother was an entirely different scenario, while my father was a ruthless business tycoon who never cared about anything other than himself my mother was the goddess of selflessness, or at least she pretended to be. She was an active charity worker linked with so many NGOs that she made it to the front page of the newspaper every other day,

" Sarah gunthithanon, at it again."

"Sarah Gunthithanon, saves hundreds of people affected from drought"

" Sarah Gunthithanon, trying to uplift the lower class families of the country"

She traveled all over the country to help people.

People told me that i should be proud of my mother, she was doing great work for humanity, but I never could do that, because whenever I woke up due to nightmares when I was 3, she was never there to hold me, she never was there to listen to all the stories i gathered from my first day of school when I was 6, she did not help me ride the bicycle when I was 8, and she never made it to my school recitals that i always invited her to. I Distanced myself from her. Seemed like the woman who helped the whole world could not be kind to her own son.

When I was younger I used to act up, but that always ended up with her saying sorry and repeating it all over again or her scolding me with " Wat, i am your mother" as if, that's all it takes to set me straight.

As I grew older, I realised my mother did all that to escape home, she could not stand the place.

But back when I was still in school, my young mind could not understand this fact. I was just a boy who craved his mother's affection and attention.

I did what I did best, I accepted it. I became a mute spectator in the game of push and pull my parents always played.

I became numb, I stopped feeling anything, well I almost did.

Until the freshman year of college when someone hugged my shoulder for the first time we met and told me that things would look up soon.and they did. I rebelled for the first time in a very long time. I rebelled from myself, I wanted to feel again. Frustration, anger, pain, anything. Anything other than this hollowness in the pit of my stomach.

The honest laughter of that person forced me to start feeling again and my resigned heart pumped at the speed of lightning.

For the first time, I found pure bliss.

But as Time passed and my reality came crashing down on me and I lost that someone special.

I lost the only person that ever understood me. I lost a friend.

I got my degree in business management and graduated top of my class. Soon after, I was being groomed to be the Face of Gunthithanon enterprises and started training for the position of R&D manager.

Within a year, i was already working to get to the position to become the director, my father introduced me to his business partners The Teepakorns,he told me they had their business expanded in the U.S and their older son type teepakorn managed their business in thailand. The company was fairly new in our market but was growing strong with each passing year, the innovation behind the company's working strategy was doing wonders for them. I worked along with their son P'Type for a few months. He was a shrewd businessman and I learned a lot from him, he was cordial and polite, but I often got the vibe that he did not like me. Maybe, it was just paranoia but I was seldom wrong in my observations , years of not speaking my mind had made me a keen observer, I aced at reading people even when I was often deemed as an introvert.

In a few months, Mr. Teepakorn introduced me to their daughter, Cheryl, the family had decided to settle in Bangkok for good, and my father was ecstatic, Mr. Teepakorn was an influential man, he was also a good man. The way the company was adopting a green environment strategy method so easily was a giveaway that the man had integrity. My father on the other hand solely focused on gaining profit.

Cheryl was a beautiful young woman chestnut brown hair adorned her beautiful face, her eyes were small but pretty and he lips were full, but when she smiled at me for the first time it knocked the breath out of me, something was so vaguely familiar in the way she smiled, it reminded me of a long lost memory, it ringed the strings of my heart and the noise was so drowning that all I could hear was my own palpitating heart.

She reminded me of the quiet nights in my dorm room that I had swore to never remember again.

She reminded me of that beautiful laughter I had made sure I will never get to hear again.

She reminded me of someone who was no longer in my grasp.

------------------

Trying something new. It will be a short story. I have tried using Thai honorifics to make it more authentic, I hope i don't make mistakes.

Wat's introdution is in first prson the rest of the story is in the usual narrative, i wanted to make it personal.

I hope you like it, vote and comment please.

All the love.