IN THE MATTER OF MONTHS

21. Be Brave

Tine tried to swallow down his food but he was having a hard time. His mother threw a worried glance at him and gave him a glass of water. Times like these Tine wished that P'Type still lived in the house with them and not at his apartment, away from him. Tine was scheduled to fly to Chiang Mai in two days when the shooting of the show resumed and half of his crew had already left for setting up. His team had asked him to take a few weeks off because of his condition, and Tine had been living in his family house doing a lot of thinking.

He had never expected to find himself stuck at the dining table with his sister and the man she was getting married to. Tine stole a few glances at Sarawat, he looked fresh in his cream-colored shirt and black slacks, while Cheryl wore a white dress as they sat across him, they really looked like a couple. Tine's heart clenched uneasily when he realized that Sarawat won't even spare him a glance. They ate their lunch peacefully right where he had seen the man again after four long years.

" Sarawat, Luk, have you talked to your parents about the engagement? Is it too soon for them?" His mother asked gently, "No, Khun Mae, My father is absolutely overjoyed by the news. Mom was happy too" Sarawat did not seem too happy about it but his tone was friendly.

"We should meet them soon, Vanija, to discuss how they feel about the engagement" Sai Teepakorn suggested his wife

"Don't you think it's too soon Cher? Why did you suddenly decide to get engaged?" Tine's mother asked

"Mom, again, it's not dead set, it's an idea, and I just realized that P'Sarawat is an absolute catch, So why would I let him go because of my indecisiveness, That would be stupid" Cheryl smiled playfully at her mother. Tine whipped his head towards Cheryl, startled by her comment.

Sarawat wouldn't look up from his food but his grip on the spoon tightened.

"You are always so blunt you silly girl" Tine's mom chided her softly.

The conversation flowed easily. Tine was mostly quiet while the new couple was interrogated by his parents.

He excused himself as soon as he could and went back to his room, The room felt a little suffocating so he opened the balcony and went outside, the weather was still partially hot since it was 4 in the afternoon but the soft breeze was letting him breathe a bit more freely and he sat down on the bean bag he had placed there for his coffee breaks during his visits Or the beer sneaked from the fridge late at night which landed here when he was only 17 and would get into trouble for even been seen with the can. Every single thing apart from the obvious essentials like furniture was bought by his own allowance and part-time money, the posters, the bean bag, little shelves to keep his books and camera lenses, action figures he had decorated his room with. This room was a piece of his heart. Tine took out his secret cigarette stash and decided to sneak in a quick smoke because he had to unwind himself. He was tired from lunch.

"Hi" Sarawat's clear voice rang in the room. He came out on the balcony, a look of pure surprise registering his features, "I never knew you smoke"

"I.. sometimes" Tine looked at him, standing up and leaning on the railing beside the new guest "do you want one?"

"Sure- Sarawat snatched the stick dangling on his lips and took a long drag- Thanks"

Tine shook his head and reached to get another cigarette from the pack.

"Our timing is never right Ai'Tine, it's sometimes either you who holds back or me, we never reach to be brave together"

Tine stared ahead, taking in Sarawat's sentence.

"I am sorry" "I am sorry for being selfish and thinking only about myself that day. I was so stuck in thinking about Cheryl, I never considered that I was hurting you" " The only way to be with you one last time guilt-free was for me to get a closure and finally let you go"