IN THE MATTER OF MONTHS

18. To love is to be Brave

Tine smiled sweetly at the sleeping man beside him. The morning sun rays streamed through the window stills and he propped himself on the headboard, rustling of sheets breaking the quietness just for a few seconds but enough for Sarawat to whine and bury his head on the pillow, his hair falling on his eyes and lips parting. Tine wanted to tune out the sight, It was too early to concentrate on the businessman's beautiful face.

He instead grabbed his phone from the side table. 8 A.M. it was still quite early to get up, he had spent the night at Sarawat's room after they ate dinner together and played few rounds of foosball on the table that was placed by the balcony, don't ask him why Sarawat had a foosball table in his Hotel room, Sarawat was weird like that. The bed was big and warm and Tine thought nothing wrong before slipping into the covers, they just had few fleeting moments anyway, this was the last day Sarawat was staying, his return flight was at midnight and they had decided to just stay in for today because they have been going out to different beaches to explore for the whole week, sharing laughter, wonders, and exhaustion from the trips. Sarawat had rented a bike to drive around the whole time, ditching his car to explore the narrowest alleys of the town, and Tine had no complaints as long as he had some funny locals to talk to. Sarawat focused on the integrity of the markets and Tine focused on the people and their rich experiences, they worked rather well together. They always had.

Tine was nowhere near ready to let Sarawat go but he was getting there. This last week had filled him with good memories to last a lifetime and Tine could not ask for more. Too much time had passed between them, too much was at stake now. Tine had briefly wondered how everything would work out if he asked Sarawat to choose him if they lived in this blissful setup of waking up together and sharing meals and laughter. He wondered how happy he would be.

And how selfish.

He wondered how Cheryl would feel if he told her that he was in love with his soon to be Fiance. How torn his parents would feel over him and Cheryl, how disappointed Type will be. These thoughts almost made him ready to give up on his love, because the one thing that Tine Teepakorn loved even above Sarawat was his family. They weren't 20-year kids anymore, Sarawat had his family, his business to think about and Tine was busy with his own thing. They could not selfishly play with everyone else's feelings. And for what? This thing between him and Sarawat was so fragile, made of fine glass which could break at any moment, they always had this pattern. Wrapping themselves in fantasy, trying to forget the world outside, hiding these tender emotions from the harsh unforgiving world. Sometimes even from each other. And that was so stupid because now they have lost the chance.

It was never the right time for them either too soon or too late.

Tine sighed, it was too early to feel sad for himself. sliding back into the soft duvet he faced Sarawat, He had again furrowed his brows in displeasure. Tine flicked his forehead. He couldn't just let him sleep in peace, could he?

Sarawat sleeps like a log, how could Tine forget. He flicks his forehead again.

Sarawat groans and turns his face away, sleeping on his stomach, tucking his hands beneath his body. Tine tsks. He gets up to order breakfast.

Sarawat smiles sleepily opening his eyes to look at the retreating back of Tine. If waking up next to Tine was a dream, Sarawat did not ever want to wake up.

*

They ended up having breakfast in bed. Much to Tine's annoyance while Sarawat teased him about his OCD, Tine admits that he was a bit of a neat freak and liked organized setups better. Eating on the bed was not something he liked but Sarawat always found a weird satisfaction in doing things that he did not like so it was inevitable and he enjoyed watching the pure bliss on his face. Worth it.