Reckless Abandon

Chapter Thirty Three

Eureka's POV

Matagal na panahon na rin ang nakalipas nung huli akong nakaramdam ng ganito. It feels like I am walking in a beautiful dream, but whenever I blink and breathe in, I am reminded that I am here, in this waking moment, walking through this life finally feeling so calm and happy.

Sa mga lumipas na panahon wala akong ibang naramdaman kundi sakit, panlulumo, galit at poot. Pinili kong lumayo sa bansang ito para takasan ang aking nakaraan, para hindi na sila makitang muli, para makapagsimula ng bagong buhay sa malayo kung saan hindi na nila akong kayang saktan, at para makalayo sa lahat ng hindi magandang alaala.

Akala ko magiging mabuti ang lagay ko sa desisyon kong iyon, pero nakalayo man ako sa mga taong pinagtataniman ko ng galit, hindi pa rin maipagkakailang bilanggo pa rin ako sa aking pinaka matinding kaaway— walang iba kundi ang aking sarili.

I have demons in me that I cannot seem to kill. I have been so angry, sad and remorseful all these years that I have forgotten to forgive myself after everything that's happened. Natanim na sa puso at isipan ko ang paga-akalang hindi ako karapat-dapat na maging masaya. Na wala akong karapatang tumanggap ng pagmamahal sa ibang tao dahil sa mga pagkakamali ko. I thought I don't deserve anything more than this.

But now, sitting across me, cracking up while telling me his funny story, his eyes brimming with laughing tears, looking at me like I deserve the whole world... suddenly I feel like I want to be seen. I want to be loved. I want to be needed.

By him.
Enrico Hale Czarino Buenaventura.

I grin at him back, sipping some red wine, blushing all the way to my ear. My heart swells in a rather good way.

"Enrico Hale..."

"Yes?" he asks. I give him a shy smile, looking at his eyes deeply. "Eureka, is there something wrong?"

Pakiramdam ko sasabog na ako. "Enrico Hale, I—" I stammer. "I just want to tell you... I just—" All of a sudden I am choked up.

"Anong meron?" tanong niya na may bahid ng pag-aalala.

"I just want to say thank you." sabi ko na lang. Hindi ko pa mawari ang gusto kong sabihin sa kanya. All I know is that my heart feels so full and happy. And I don't know why.

"Para saan?"

"Hindi ko alam," napakibit-balikat ako. "Siguro for everything?"

His expression softens. Tumayo siya at lumapit sa akin. "Can I give you a hug to make you feel better?"

He is so fucking sweet. I could burst right now. Tumango ako at niyakap siya. He wraps his strong arms around me and buried his face on my hair.

"I hope I am not making you sad." he whispers.

I looked up at him. "No, Enrico Hale. You make me... you— you make me happy."

He smiles and pulls me into a hug again. "Aw, you are such a sweetheart, Eureka. I'm glad to know. I just want to make you happy."

We stand there, in my dimly lit kitchen, hugging each other. He pulls away from the embrace, cups my face and kisses my forehead. "Kung ano man ang bumabagabag sayo, kahit ano pa yan, you can tell me anything. Hindi kita ipi-pressure na sabihin ang lahat sa akin, Eureka. Alam ko may dahilan kung bakit ka nagkakaganyan, but it's okay. You're with me. You're safe."