Reckless Abandon

An Amateur's Epiphany

Well... here we are. This is not a story update. I'm sorry to disappoint you. You can skip this part! I just have to have something to write this on.

It's just that my thoughts are being hyperactive today and I don't know why. During these times I would scour my room, look for any available paper or a pad that I could grab my hands on, but it just happens that I have my laptop on... so I write.

I have always believed that writing will help me reach out to people. To inspire, to help them recognize their feelings in the characters I make, see themselves in these arcs, and most especially make them realize that if you have a story to tell, go ahead and write it.

For many years, I hid my stories to the world. For some reasons I never had the courage to let people know I wrote poetry, proses, short stories, scripts, etc. My thoughts always scare me--- and for people to read it aloud, or read it without my knowing makes me a total nerve wrack. There is always that gnawing anxiety of being not good enough, compared to and criticized.

For many years, I hid in my cubbyhole. But that did not stop me from writing. I ghost wrote for people and watch them get praises for my input, and even though they did not know it was me, that it was my idea, in way I felt satisfied or relieved to receive good feedbacks about my writing... even when I was just there listening quietly in the background.

For many years, I was a coward. I let my fear and doubts conquer the best of me. And with that, I may have improved but I have never fully grown. Do you know what I mean?

I am in no position to give advices to aspiring writers out there but honestly it is always better to put yourself out to the world. Go ahead and post it here or in your blog site or wherever!

I always hear a lot of shit about shaming people who write in Wattpad. But fuck that, who are they to shame other people's work?

A lot of them do not know how much you rattle your brain to make the characters' conversation intriguing, or make the plot more interesting... because one floppy chapter and then you would lose readers. Not all of them know how much effort and work you put in every paragraph and sentence you write in every chapter. They do not know the rush you feel when that perfect scene finally gets to you and you just cannot wait for people to read it and react to it! They just do not know the whole excruciating yet exciting process of giving birth to these ideas and put them on ink.

But above all, there will always be people who will appreciate your work. This was the first mistake I did. I could not even trust my own friends to read my work and tell me that my work is shitty. Ideas should be passed around. A second eye is always better than one. For all you know, you are missing out on a better idea!

That is where growth starts. That is where good ideas and constructive suggestions foster--- to be in a positive environment and being around people who are genuine in helping you succeed and improve.

As for me, I still have a lot to learn. And I am always up to doing things to improve my craft, as well as opening up myself to people who are willing to dissect my bad ideas and show me the good ones. I'm an amateur, and I still think I am not a good writer, but I try.

And so should you, dear reader. Don't let your own negativity and others' stop you from learning to be good at what you love.

Everybody has got to start somewhere. Rome wasn't built in a day. :)

Good night.