Mutual -Tommyinnit x reader

Part 35- hate

⚠️Somethings may be triggering like panic attacks/anxiety in this chapter I don't really know just be aware⚠️

Safe to say I didn't sleep last night I was awake all night either having a panic attack or crying my eyes out. My twitter timeline was still filled with tweets about me, I felt awful seeing how mad people were about me lying about dating Tommy and for you know existing. I can deal with the lying part but when thousands of people don't want you to exist then it can be quite difficult.

Tommy doesn't seem as bothered by this because the fans aren't hating on him, if anything some stupid misogynistic boys are praising him for being able to 'pull' a girl like me. It made me so angry on top of every other emotion I felt because people are tearing me to shreds for being within a mile radius of Tommy and he's getting praised for getting with a girl, it's ridiculous.

Despite having an hour of sleep tops I had to get up to go to college, I don't want to go but my parents aren't letting me skip which to be fair to them is probably smart but right now going to college seems like the worst thing ever. People are going to harass me all day seeing as it was number 1 on trending all night so even if they had no idea who I was if they have twitter they will now.

I dragged myself out of bed and into some new clothes that weren't a whole lot different to what I was already wearing, I put on some shorts and a t-shirt which I tucked into the shorts because it was meant to be hot today. I put zero effort into the rest of my appearance leaving the dark circles under my eyes and my hair up in a bun.

Sam agreed to meet me at the bus stop to try and protect me for as long as she could. I'm afraid to say that this didn't at all work as soon as I got on the campus a group surrounded me to ask questions which had already been answered on the stream last night. Sam helped me push through the group and get to my class early, she suggested I talk to my teacher seeing as he knew I stream and could stop people talking about it. The teacher agreed to help me out which I appreciated and he told me if I want to leave class at any point he would email the work to me.

I suffered through the class saying the odd few things to people who asked questions that weren't too bad. A few of the boys were a bit annoying asking things that you wouldn't ask any other person. Luckily it was my only class today so I went straight home to continue crying probably.

I got home and did homework to distract myself from looking at my phone or going on my computer. When all my homework was done I had nothing else to do which made my brain drift pulling me to my phone and mindlessly opening twitter, my fingers typed in my name into the search bar which wasn't necessary seeing as it was on my tending page but they did it anyway then they clicked making thousands of tweets pop up on my screen. Again mindlessly I scrolled through them taking all of the words in and internalising the bad ones making me feel worse about myself than I already did.

Why do I do this to myself? What part of my brain feels the need to read every piece of hate about me? Whatever it is I wish it would stop. The hate is killing me, I've never felt worse about myself in my life yet I can't stop reading more. Before I knew it my face was covered in tears and I couldn't breathe. That has to be my 8th panic attack in the past 24 hours but this point it makes no odds to me I've had so many.

I was dragged out of my trance of scrolling when my screen changed showing that I had an incoming FaceTime call from Tommy. Maybe he can tell that I'm not doing so good or he's just calling to check up on me, either way I answered the call.

"Hel... oh no you're having a panic attack um breathe with me in and out and in and out" he tried to calm me down

I followed his breathing and it really calmed me down, he also said words of encouragement which made me feel a whole load better.

"Are you doing better now?" He asked

"Yeah I think so" I replied

"How many have you had today?" He asked clearly seeing through my act

"Maybe 8 in the last 24 hours" I said

"Oh y/n/n I'm sorry I know that people are saying awful things about you but you aren't any of those things trust me you are beautiful and the sweetest person ever so if these people want to say you're not then let them because they don't know you and you don't know them so their opinion doesn't matter" he said

"I know that but you don't get the hate people are encouraging you and praising you for being able to get a girl like me but then I get all the people hating me for simply existing even though I did nothing other than date a boy I like, it's killing me inside Tommy I feel like I'm not made for this" I ranted

"Are they seriously doing this? I swear I'm going to to go on a twitter rant right now I'm not having people say these things to you" he said

He got up and went to sit on his pc, he angrily tapped at his keyboard typing out a twit longer so that he could say what he wanted and not worry about how many words it was. He typed for ages writing something then deleting it realising some of it was just out of anger, he then sent it to me to make sure I was ok with everything in it.

I never normally do this sort of thing but some things are happening that I have to speak about. Most of you know that yesterday it was leaked that me and y/n are dating and since then the amount of hate she has received is endless. I'm not going to accept this because not only is she my girlfriend but shes a human being too and no one deserves to be treated this way. This poor girl had been crying almost non stop and had 8 panic attacks. This isn't normal and shouldn't have to be. I don't want to see a single hate comment under this tweet or you will be blocked I don't give a fuck. And don't even try to justify what you said because you can't change what you said and it won't be accepted.

I told him it was fine and he tweeted it out. The tweet received a bunch of support and people were sticking up for me. I didn't think a tweet would stop the hate but to my surprise it actually had a big impact, there was much less hate coming through and tweets were being deleted. I still feel awful about myself but at least I don't have so much hate to look at when I go on twitter anymore. This is probably going to be a big thing for a while but hopefully it should blow over and I can go back to normal life where I'm not defined by my relationship.

Authors note: hi everyone, this chapter is a bit more real so I hope you guys like it and it's not awful because I don't normally write like this.