Rose Gold *A Johnny Suh Story*

20 part 2

*Olivia's Point Of View*

I'm very nervous about meeting my mother again. Yes, I went to the funeral but I wasn't really able to get too close to anything related to the family in case someone would suspect anything. I look just like my Mom, just with darker skin, so that would cause confusion.

I really planned on coming alone but I'm kind of glad Johnny is coming here with me. I don't really know what my response to seeing her will be. If I become a mess on the floor with tears everywhere, it would be nice to have someone there.

To be fair, I have Han-gyeol so I would have been fine either way.

The entire car ride I stayed silent, twiddling with my fingers around these coffee cups. I don't know what to say or do other than collect my thoughts.

"Are you okay?"

Johnny is staring at me with a concerned look on his face.

"Yeah, just a little nervous."

I know that I have told Johnny that my family is a little messed up but never went into detail just how messed up messed up is.

"Don't be. She's your mom. She's going to love you."

I smile at his words but my head still begins to overthink. I know I won't be able to know exactly what she thinks of me but I can let her know about me. I wish they would have called me before she died.

I know it's not something they expected but they definitely could have at least let me visit over the summer.

"We are here!"

Looking outside the window, I see the cemetery. Wow, all of a sudden it feels as if my ass is glued to the seat. What is getting out the car?

"Come on. You don't want your Mom's coffee to get watery." Johnny grabs the tray with the drinks inside of it kind of forcing me to get out of the car because I really want that coffee.

We followed Han to the location we needed to be. Without thinking, I set everything up in a little picnic for the three of us. Han said he will be down at the end to give me my moment. The new one is on the other side.

I'll learn her name soon.

"Hi, Mom. It's me , Jang-Mi, or Olivia. I don't remember what exactly you used to call me. It's been a while. Seventeen years to be exact. Haven't I grown so much. Put on at least four feet. Again, I don't remember many details about when I was younger or the last time we have seen each other. Anyways, I brought someone with me. I heard you were a big fan of his and his group members."

*Johnny's Point Of View*

"Johnny, come say hi."

I'm just sitting on the pillow as Olivia speaks with her mother. I didn't think that she would pull me into the mix of speaking with her.

Do you know how much of a big deal that is? There is one thing meeting the parent but introducing me to a late parent is even more special.

"Hi, Ms. Kim. My name is Johnny Suh. It is a pleasure to meet you." I bow to show my respects to her. You can see how nervous Olivia is to talk to her mom. She's bitting the edge of her straw and looking around her. I'm guessing that's her nervous habit.

"Since Olivia told me that you like our music, maybe next time we come to visit, I can bring some for you to listen to. But right now, your daughter wants to talk to you, she's just a little nervous. So is it okay that we talk while she prepares herself?"

I turn to Olivia and she nods.

So, I start talking to her mom about many things. "It's crazy because my mom lives in America and I live in Korea. There are days that I miss her more than my normal amount of missing her. On those days, I wish I could just leave to see her for a little and come back, but I can't. It's hard when you're miles and miles away from each other so I can only imagine what Olivia feels. I know she misses you, a lot. She wanted to come here just to be with you. She wanted to make you proud, and she still is going to make you proud."

Olivia looks at me, shaking her head.

"Talk to me," I whisper, grabbing her clawing hand. She was grabbing the air before I took hold of her hand.

Olivia's eyes fixates on our hands before letting out a sigh.

"I was never mad at her, you know. Everyone expects me to be mad at her because it seems like she never fought to be with me. But I know she did. I can feel that she did. She always sent money to me so I knew that I would be taken care of. I never told my dad about the money because he wouldn't have used it for things that mattered. He developed this really bad drinking problem that he would use it for. Sometimes he would be gone for days and a time and I ever knew exactly where he would go."

She turns to her mom, still holding my hand.

"I would cry for you every night, Mom, hoping that over the vast oceans somehow you could hear me. As time went on, I got used to the feeling of not being wanted by my family and that I would have to take care of myself. So that's what I did. And that's what I'm still doing. Do you know dad somehow got himself into trouble with authorities? I have people calling me almost every day about him. They want me to talk in his defense and I don't know what they want me to do. How can I defend him, Mom?"

Olivia sniffles, trying to quickly wipe the tear from her face.

"I just wish you were here Mom. I just need someone to hold me and tell me that things are going to be okay. Even if they aren't, just to hear those words would be nice. There is so much for me to do Mom, I don't know where to start. I'm needed in America. I'm needed in Korea. I want to be in Korea more to know who officially took you away from me. I will not leave until every rock has been turned over. I will know who did this to you!"

I can hear her holding back her tears when she would really be letting them out. She is finally being able to grieve the lost of her mother and she's trying to hold herself back. And I'm not letting her.

Without hesitation, I pull her into a hug , "It's okay, just cry."

As if that's what she needed to hear, Olivia let all her tears out, sobbing into my chest. My heart hurts that she is hurting. I want to protect her from this pain. I will protect her from this pain.

Wow, I think I'm in love with Olivia. Scratch that!

I know I am!