Oneshots; Jeongchan

Chasing cars

"Are you ok?"

Jeongin sighs. He doesn't have to turn around to know who's behind him. Chan is the only one sober enough to get up the stairs. But he really isn't in the mood to discuss what happened between them either.

What would happen if he talked about it? Would Chan laugh it off? Say the kiss meant nothing to him? It shouldn't mean anything, right? Felix and Changbin kiss all the time. Though Jeongin doesn't know what the hell is with the two of them anyway. Changbin seems to like to point out his straightness, and Felix just... lets him. Lets him have a drink before kissing him, so that he can pretend he's not in the right mind while doing it.

The thing is, it does mean something, the kiss with Chan. And Jeongin is scared of that. He doesn't want to admit that. Because if he did, he could destroy something between them. He'd prefer friendship over nothing. Because he's a coward.

"I'm fine."

He hears footsteps crunch behind him. He hopes Chan doesn't spend too long outside. Even though the cold is good for Jeongin, burning his lungs and clearing the alcohol induced blush from his cheeks, it's not good for Chan.

Chan is always freezing, wrapped in layers and layers of clothes. Jeongin has given him his jacket on more than a few occasions. He looks good in it. Though it's tighter around his biceps than a jacket should be, limiting his arm movement.

Felix threw a volleyball at Chan while he wore one of Jeongin's jackets once. Chan got hit in the chest. Chan sits next to him, exhaling into his hands and rubbing them together. Jeongin shrugs off his jacket, thin as it may be, and drapes it over Chan.

Chan smiles, staring at the floor. He should say something now. If he wants a relationship. He should say something now. Something like: Hey, I like you. Instead, Jeongin nudges him.

"Orion", he says, pointing up at the three stars that make up his belt. He hopes Chan can hear the three words: I love you. Or maybe: Stay with me.

Chan swallows. In the half darkness, Jeongin can see his Adam's apple bob.

"You know", he says, staring up at the night sky,"I'm not good at... talking. About my feelings and opinions."

Jeongin snorts.

"Cheers to that", he says, holding out his bottle for Chan to drink from. Three words. Why can he get out those three words but not the ones he desperately wants to get out? Chan takes the bottle from him.

"Though you're still better at it than me", Jeongin continues. It's a joke in their friend group by now. Jeongin is phenomenally bad at holding a conversation with anyone who isn't such an extrovert that they dominate the conversation. He lays on his back.

Chan is an extrovert like that, but he's also scared of disappointing people, so he doesn't talk about politics, or pineapple on pizza or anything else that could be a dangerous topic. It took a year before he even talked about gay rights with Jeongin. Another before he admitted he wasn't just an ally.

He sees the tilt of Chan's head, the way his jawline looks from below. Chan seems insecure, fidgeting with the bottle.

You are amazing.

"I just-", Chan pauses, taking a swig from the beer bottle,"I-"

He stops, just staring up at Orion. Jeongin wonders whether he should ask what's going on. It might be good. Chan might be able to get to the point if he does so. Jeongin would like to nurse his wounded heart and confused head in peace. (He doesn't though, because he doesn't really want Chan to leave.)