Sideline | RENJUN

Prologue

Renjun's room felt empty as he worked on his painting, the only light coming from his candle and lamp. He took a deep breath, doing his best to concentrate on the canvas and the different colours on his palette, but it was hard, the silence being deafening.

The break was passing fast and soon, the second semester of college would be starting up again. As terrible as school was, a part him couldn't wait to get back into it.

The reason behind this was that Renjun had began to feel lonely, having little opportunities to hang out with his friends. Everyone always seemed to be busy, their hands always full. If it wasn't the gang, it would be their significant other or best friend. Everyone had a partner or someone to be with, everyone but Renjun.

As Renjun stared at the canvas, he realized that deep down, he really didn't have the motivation nor the inspiration to paint. He glanced at all the finished paintings on the ground, the amount of spare time he had allowing him to complete as many as he would during a semester of school.

Renjun sighed, deciding to finish up for the day, cleaning up. It was already dark outside and they had no deals so Renjun figured he might as well rest early.

As Renjun finished washing his paintbrushes, he could hear Chenle yelling at Jisung from their room, probably because of whatever game they were playing. Renjun was tempted to tell them to be quiet because it was late, but he was too tired and knew that Chenle wasn't going to listen anyways.

Renjun eyed the closed door of Jaemin and Zhilan's room, the soft hum of Jaemin's music bleeding through. Ever since the two had began dating, Zhilan hand moved to Jaemin's room, leaving Renjun with more space to himself. At times though, Renjun missed when him and his childhood friend would bicker like children. Nowadays, he barely saw her unless they were working on a deal or if Jaemin had decided to cook for all of them.

Renjun took a deep breath before heading to his own room, cleaning up the remainder of his art supplies. His room still felt foreign to him, both Haechan and Zhilan's belongings gone. Renjun had trouble remembering when he last had a room to himself. Even though it was much easier to keep the room clean, there was just something about it that didn't feel right.

Renjun dusted his hands off as he finished, heading to the washroom to finish getting ready for bed. When he returned to his room, he blew out the candle and turned his lamp off before slipping into his bed.

Renjun had trouble sleeping though, as he lay there for a while, hoping that sleep would overcome him. Unfortunately though, the thoughts on his head had won him over so he gave in, grabbing his phone and sitting up.

"Why is it only midnight?" Renjun mumbled as he switched through various apps, trying to find something. Nothing seemed entertaining enough and Renjun somehow ended up in his photo album, specifically the one with all his favourite photos.

As Renjun swiped, he let out a soft chuckle, staring at each one. It ranged from him and Jiayi growing up in China to the day he first got his Phoenix jacket, Winwin proudly patting his back. There was one of him and Zhilan back when they had first joined the gang then a family picture from when him and the other boys first moved to this apartment. There were even some recent ones from a dinner with his friends at Jeno's mother's place, Jeno and Soojung holding the three cats between the two. They were all smiling, happier than ever.

At least most of them were as Renjun stared at his own face, his smile weak compared to the rest. He couldn't help but run his thumb over his own image, knowing that deep down, there was something that didn't feel right.

"Ah, you're just over thinking again." Renjun told himself but he could feel the tears prickling his eyes.

He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply as he gripped his phone, a burning sensation in his chest.