Amelioration || Choi Jiung

16

It has been a few months since su-neung is over, and the final times I spent at school was wild.

Having no lessons at all, we returned to school every day just to have fun. We could sleep right in the middle of the classroom floor and teachers would do nothing about it except for playing movies inside the classroom.

Therefore Intak and I spent our last few months at school practicing dance. Finally I could dance for 8 hours a day as I wished. It was tiring, but enjoyable.  I'm glad that I'm able to find joy through dancing, just genuinely having fun instead of being insecure about what others think of me.

Oh and also, it has been several months ever since Jiung and I started dating.

I now believe that the statement "if you're not happy single, then you won't be happy taken" is true. Being in a relationship did not make us any less depressed, lol. To me, dating is just another whole long ass process of self learning and healing.

At the very beginning, I was insecure as fuck, always doubting his feelings for me. Also, Jiung may not always be present when I need him. We had to learn how to keep communicating with each other, learning more about each other, so that we can keep things going.

Sometimes it really bothered me that he couldn't be happy even when I did everything I could to make him happy. It's as if I don't matter to him at all just like everything else.

But then, if I'm that unimportant, he wouldn't have chosen to date me first place.

Plus, I love him, I won't leave him.

And actually, we came to a conclusion that in order to have a better relationship with each other and ourselves, we need to focus on self care.

Both of us started going to therapy. For me, just at my first meeting with the therapist, I seemed to have found my core problem which led to many other problems: I was not done grieving over my dad.

It will take time for me to heal, but at least I finally knew that it's not my fault that I felt this way. At least I could finally show myself a bit more love and stop blaming myself for this.

I stopped spacing out as a car stopped right in front of me. I smiled, trying to hide my excitement as Jiung got out of the car to help me carry my luggage.

"Nice car," I complimented, giggling as I handed him the bag.

"Thanks! I rented it," he replied, pretending to be enthusiastic as he stated what I already know.

I laughed at how he played along with my joke as I got in the car, sitting right behind the driver's seat.

"Yah," he called out, stopping me.

I turned around and knelt on the seat to face him. He opened the trunk of the car and stood there, finished putting my luggage in there.

I tilted my head, confused. "What's wrong?"

Jiung closed the trunk, and walked back to the front, getting into the car.

"Am I your boyfriend or your driver?" He turned around, looking at me and pouting.

"Why? What did I do?" I widened my eyes.

"You should be sitting next to me..."

Aww, he's so adorable.

"But it's comfortable here, I don't want to get off the car now," I teased him as I lied down on the seats.

Jiung didn't respond, and only stared at me with a blank expression.

I stared back at him. His eyes never failed to attract me and pull me in. My heart still skips a beat when I look at him like this.

"Fine," I finally gave in after a while, getting off the car and getting into the front seat next to him, making him smile.