Amelioration || Choi Jiung

7

One week later

It's exactly one month before su-neung. Even though I had been going to the study room every day after school, I still felt very unproductive, as if I'm not even preparing for an exam.

However, I was already getting sick of studying every day. The thought of going to the study room and being trapped in that small space all alone and isolated made me want to throw up.

Looking at all my textbooks, notes, and mock exam papers gave me a strong urge to jump off a building or run into a car. I didn't want to wake up the next day knowing that everything is just going to repeat itself for god knows how long.

Rationally thinking, it's just for another month. But for me, time was passing by so slowly that I don't think I can handle it for another day.

This feeling reminded me of the days before I tried to commit suicide. It's coming back...

God damn it, I'm so weak. It's just studying, why do I have to procrastinate and get so stressed over something small like that?

I got on instagram and posted a close friends story. It's a sad cat meme with the caption:

"I don't understand how the top people in our class can study for 18 hours a day 😔 I already want to kill myself at the thought of studying for 30 minutes"

I put my phone away after I posted it, knowing that my friends won't reply, and Intak won't be able to see it all the way until he's done with cram school.

But after a while, when I checked my phone again, Jiung replied to my story.

Jiung replied to my story.

Oh my god.

I spent some time preparing myself before clicking the message open and replying to him.

Jiung

Where are you?

Going to the study room lol

You must've been going there a lot recently

Yupp i absolutely hate that place now asdfghjkll

You may feel better studying in different places

Yeahh i think so
Where should i go though?

It took him a while to reply.

Do you want to meet me at the bookstore?

My heart skipped a beat. He asked me whether I want to meet him? Fucking yes of course. Fuck that study room.

Sure!!

Jiung sent me the address and I went there. Before I went nearby, I fixed my hair in front of some random mirror I saw. Fucking hell, I look like a mess. What has school been doing to me? But screw it, it's not like he'll like me or anything.

When I arrived, he was waiting for me in front of the bookstore.

"Hi!" I greeted, smiling.

"Hi," he smiled back, before he looked behind me, "do you need me to carry your bag?"

"Oh no it's fine," I properly adjusted my backpack and turned back to him, "it's not that heavy."