Break the Chain

Burden of guilt

Oh my goodness!! It feels like forever since I posted!! Some of you know that I went on a break just to help with my mental health but when I came back my state got snow, power outages, and no hot water... luckily I'm staying with a friend right now so you guys are getting new chapters of BTC and This isn't going to end well?

Hope you guys are staying safe and warm! 

TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of ptsd, overthinking, guilt, etc...

Stay simping!
-dal
--------------------------

It was all your fault. All of it.

How could you do this to your friends and family? You were the idiot who got themselves kidnapped while ruining everything for everyone. They just wanted to enjoy their holidays, but they spent it worried about you. It was your fault everyone had to play catch up. It was your fault that they had to come to Flip's place, hoping to fill the void of missing out on the most wonderful time of the year.

Did Evan get a proper Christmas? He was a kid and didn't deserve anything less. He needed to watch Christmas movies and enjoy all of the gifts he would get. Did he even get gifts? Was everyone just too worried about you to get him anything? You probably ruined Christmas forever for him...

Flip was stuck at home, dealing with everything you left behind. All the decorations you put up were one thing, but all your belongings? He probably didn't know what to do with them. They were probably in the way while he was trying to find you.

It was Jen and Ron's first Christmas together and they spent it taking care of Flip. They were perfectly happy and you had to cock block one of the most important 'firsts' for them. What if they held some sort of resentment towards you?

You were a burden on everyone and it was all your fault. It was the only thing you could think about while you sat on Flip's couch, everyone taking their turns handing you a gift. Gifts you didn't deserve. Your mom got you a nice pair of pajamas, your brother got you a handbag and Ron got you a new sweater. Jen went completely overboard, of course. She got you a nice bottle of wine with a note attached "Drink only when you're cleared", a pair of really expensive earrings, a fuzzy blanket, and your favorite movie on DVD. You sat there quietly, looking at everything you were given. Things you felt like you had to earn. How was you coming home enough for you to get gifts? It was just money wasted on their end.

Flip sat next to you with his arm around your shoulder. You would look over to him every so often, seeing a smile plastered over his face. You could see the Christmas lights twinkling in his eyes, making him look like a kid getting ready to meet Santa Claus. You knew he was happy to have you back home, but at what cost?

You were damaged. You would never be the same and he would have to deal with that. That was until he decided to break up with you. Especially after the psychiatrist told you what you would experience? You were surprised he didn't leave already.

"Remember when we used to go caroling in your mom's neighborhood?" Jen laughed over to you. Her question shook you away from your thoughts.

"Y-Yeah." You tried your best to flash a smile over to her, nodding your head. You could hear Flip chuckle under his breath as his fingers traced circles onto your shoulder.

You knew you were being ridiculous, but you couldn't help it. It wasn't your fault Abigor took you. It wasn't your fault that your family had to miss out on the holidays. It wasn't your fault that you were feeling like this...right? It was PTSD, just like Dr. Stanford explained. You would feel guilty for what happened. Your family and friends were trying to welcome you back home after a very stressful time for you...it wasn't anyone's fault except for Abigor and Alexander. They were the ones to blame. They were the ones to put you through that.