𝐓𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 - 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐭

𝐁𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧

"Maybe if we met in another life." I hum quietly playing an accord on my guitar.
I sigh because it still doesn't sound good.

I'm laying on my bed for half an hour now staring at the ceiling as I try to come up with some lyrics.
Everything feels wrong and the words don't fit together.

I put the guitar beside me and get off the bed walking over to my laptop.
I start to play some music the sounds filling my room to the brim as I close my eyes and let my body move to the music.

I take in a deep breath not thinking about moving while I let my subconscious do the job.

I try to let go of my thoughts and worries and try to find some words in the dark for my song.
After I tried for five minutes I stop and open my eyes.

Nothing.

Not even the smallest line forms in my head and I walk over to the laptop stopping the music.
"I'm going crazy." I let out frustrated before I jump at the knock on my door.

"Come in." I say still standing in the middle of my room.
My mom pokes her head through the door and I smile at her.
"Hey." I say softly and she opens the door fully coming inside.

"Hey." She says her eyes wandering around the walls of my room.
"I didn't know if you were having a party inside here or a fight." She chuckles as she walks over to my bed sitting down.

"I think both of it." I mumble looking at my bright socks.
"I'm trying to come up with some lyrics but my brain is empty." I tell her looking up.

She holds her arms out and I walk over to her sitting beside her while she hugs me.
Her hands stroke my hair and I sigh in contentment closing my eyes.
I wish we could stay in this position forever.

"What is bothering you so much that you can't write?" She asks me and I tense up.
Moms and their sixth sense are a curse and a gift at the same time.

"Why do you think something is bothering me?" I ask her as I lay down and put my head in her lap.

"You never had problems with writing your feelings down. You seem to be overwhelmed lately." She states still going through my hair.
Goosebumps rise on my skin while I try to think of an excuse.

"I guess it's just everything right now. I totally failed at the history test I think." I give her the half truth.

"School isn't so important honey believe me. You're an overall good student and I'm proud of you you have to stop worrying so much." She tells me and I nod.

"But I know that it's not school that's hindering you from writing." I bite my lip in thought maybe when I tell her she could help me.

She's my mom she wouldn't be angry at me right?
"Mom?" I pick up all the amount of courage I have inside of me.
"Yes?"

"Did you ever do something so terrible that you couldn't tell anyone?" I ask slowly and her hand stops for a second before it starts to stroke my hair again.

"What do you understand under terrible?" She asks me back.

"Something bad that could hurt people you love." I tell her vaguely.
"Probably. Everyone does bad things in their life and I think I hurt many people I loved, it happens in life." She tells me.

"But how do you fix it? If it's..if you didn't do it on purpose hypothetically and the person you love doesn't know you did it would you tell her?" I ask waiting for an answer.

"It depends as well. Are you going to hurt the person if you tell her?"

"Enormously." I mumble darkly.

"Do you think it's better if you don't tell her? Or do you think it is better to get in the clear with it tell the person you're sorry and own up to your mistakes?" I sigh at her words.

"If you say it like that it's of course better to tell the truth." I say making her chuckle.
I sit up to look into her wise eyes.
"I'm scared of loosing her."

"But are you feeling any better right now?" I shake my head no.
"If the person understands how much you love them and that you're hurting and feeling guilty you're not going to loose them." She says giving me an encouraging smile.

"I know." I say looking at the duvet.
"You're still young Arwen I'd be surprised if you wouldn't do any mistakes. That's normal don't beat yourself up okay?" She looks at me intensely and I nod.

"BesidesI know you could never hurt someone on purpose." She says giving me a side hug and kissing my temple.

"I love you mom." I whisper my eyes stinging a bit but I won't let myself cry.

"I love you more honey. And because I love you I'm going to leave now and you're going to get your ass up and write an amazing song." She says while getting up.

I have to chuckle at her choice of words and nod.
She winks at me before leaving my room.
She's right instead of moping around I should put this bottled up feelings into some words.

I sit down at my desk get some paper and a pen out.
I close my eyes and start to write.

Do you remember last summer?
The water was cold and the sun was beaming.

We were so much younger
I thought I was dreaming

Thought that I would sink
Didn't know what the consequences would've bring

Do you still think of me how I think of you
While I threw my first kiss at you

You robbed me of my choice but I won't lower my voice

My head up somewhere in the clouds but I'd never be proud

Of giving you my first kiss while you belong to my {sis} bliss