𝐓𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 - 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐭

𝐔𝐧𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐫

Long lashes stroke his high cheekbones while he looks down at the ground searching for words.
His hair is in it's dark brown curls hiding half of his face when he looks down.

His hands are shoved deep into his pockets, his shoulders slacking, his jaw moving clenching while he dives deep into his thoughts.

God how have I missed this curls, this beautiful face and overall this boy.
My body screams at me to stand up and wind my arms around him and to never let go off him but my brain tells me differently and right now my brain is a much safer source than my heart. Or what is left of it.

So I remain sitting on the grass while I look up at him waiting for an answer which doesn't come.
Instead he walks over to me and my breathing hitches when he sits down on the grass crossing his legs comfortably.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted me here." He speaks up and I close my eyes to take in his voice.
God I'm so pathetic it's ridiculous.

"I don't think it's my call to decide if you want to come or not." I say once I cleared my dizzy head and subtly scooted a bit back to have more space between us.
My hands go through the blades of grass the cooling sensation keeping me grounded.

"It is. If you don't want me here I'll leave the second you tell me. But I knew this was the only place to see you and I needed to say some things before..I just needed them out of my system."

Oh.

The little hope that was sparking in my heart dies down immediately at his words.

"Out of your system.." I mumble his words and finally look up to see those eyes that could never compare to anything on this world.

I wouldn't know how to describe them without sounding like a love struck idiot and I couldn't even explain if they're blue or green or a wild mixture of both.

"I'm so sorry Arwen. Your mom..she was one of those humans you're lucky to have met in your life and I can't even empathize how you must feel right now." His words hit like blades slicing through my skin and I have to look back on my hand who's pulling at the grass blades to not cry.

"You're apologizing." I let out small laugh but it's not filled with humor.

How can he just sit here beside me in my weakest moment look so beautiful and say these things?

Is he doing this on purpose so I feel even worse than I already do?

I am the one who needs to apologize because I treated him badly. I am the asshole and I should change. I cowardly avoided him because I knew I was the one who did him wrong.
And he's still here after everything I said and did.

"Of course I am. You went through so much trouble because of me and I apologize sincerely for that. I don't want to end this in a bad way okay? I like you Arwen more than I should and I just left such a mess with Jenna, your family and you. You don't deserve that."

"Please..stop apologizing." I say slowly while I try to keep the tears in but I just can't.
This is all just too much and I don't know how I'm going to survive this on my own.

"Hey, it's going to be alright Arwen." He says softly but I shake my head because nothing is going to be alright.

I lost my mother and the only boy I-

"Come here." He says when I don't stop crying and he pulls me against his chest making me grab onto the material of his shirt because I can't bear this pain.

"It doesn't change anything..knowing..that she's going to die doesn't make anything easier." I say in between sobs while his hand strokes my hair softly and I finally relax when I take in his familiar scent.