[1] WEEPING MONK // you're not what I was looking for

12| Hesitations

═ 𝙃𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 ═

[TW// mild to moderate violence, internal conflict]

Ari opens up about a part of her past and Lancelot is once again, conflicted.

The boy was now not the only thing tying the ex-monk and the queen together. Neither of them were comfortable with this overall situation or with the new footing that they had found themselves on. After what was said and done the night before, Lancelot didn't know how to treat her. He was a lost soul trying to find his way and she was everything that he had been taught to hate. She frustrated him, how she was gentle and calm yet a raging sea and burning fire all the same. She made no sense, Lancelot sought to understand. He'd never met a woman like her, let alone a Fey woman like her. Yes, he had once hunted the Wolf-blood Witch and by Squirrel's accounts, the two women were very much alike. But Nimue had evaded him at every step, always two counts ahead and it tormented him. He'd let Ari in a little at the cottage, telling himself afterwards that it was nothing more than a trick to keep her on his side. Then after last night everything had changed, the floodgates to his soul had opened and he had let her approach his bruised mind willingly.

They had become something else, something nameless. He felt like they were enemies no longer but they were not yet friends, you don't have friends. Lancelot was starting to respect her without question, but trusting her was a different game. Some part of Lancelot realised that he would need her, for should they come across any Fey then he would likely be in some trouble, even more so if they were aware who he was and especially if they were armed with weapons. He knew that he shouldn't take any chances with her, for one mention of her name to any Fey and they would do as she commanded, good or bad. He knew he could beat any Fey soldier easily but he didn't want to fight them anymore. No more, he had cried. Ari would be his only defence from an angry mob who wanted him dead. So yes, he needed her on his side, but after yesterday, he was starting to feel like he wanted her on his side too.

They stalked through the woods in search of something to eat, rabbit most likely. A deer would be good, Ari thought. The pair had left Squirrel with Goliath and Dusty, as her horse had finally been named by the boy.

Lancelot was even more quiet than normal, offering nods and shallow noises when they had arranged the plan to hunt after dawn. It wasn't ideal leaving the boy alone but he was safe within the barn and Ari had showed him where to hide and wait for them if there was trouble.

Ari could feel that Lancelot was distancing himself. A lot had happened the night before, many things had been said, some things which could not be taken back. She thought that he was embarrassed, he was supposed to be this fearless warrior but she had chipped away at his edges and he had given in to his emotions, crumbling into the snow. Perhaps that's why he was silent? Then she remembered how he had leant into her, and perhaps her closeness had been too much? Maybe she had gone too far when offering her help, she thought it likely that comfort was something Lancelot's life had severely lacked in until now.