The Author's Studio

This great new fairytale I came up with

A fairy tale isn't that hard to come up with. They can have several plot holes and Johnny English thrown into the mix and people will still enjoy them. Add some gruesome bits, a princess, an evil witch and a knight or two and boom. 

A writing prompt so kindly bequeathed to me by my fading sanity:

"Hello. I'm Shirley."

This will be a very interesting fairy tale. 

Author's Note #1 {This is the story of a person named Shirley who isn't even relevant to the plot}

"Hello. I'm Shirley," the petite girl curtsied before me. 

I, the Prince of Poo-Kingdom was struck by her beauty. She had skin as white as a polar bear with it's eyes shut in a blizzard, lips the colour of *insert lipstick name* and one giant brick-red eye fixated in the middle of her forehead. 

Overall, very stunning.

However, it didn't matter because she was only a side character and everyone knows that side characters and main characters can't date. The author says they can but I refuse to acknowledge so because the newest edition of Poo Magazine said so and everyone KNOWS Poo Magazine doesn't lie. 

Yes, I am very delusional. 

"Shoo, Madame Shirley. I feel like we have a connection but this relationship would be a bit too rushed," I said dramatically. 

"Oh my, how romantic," Shirley or Sharon or whatever her name was said. She winked and jumped out of the window.

"I'm Will Solace," I realized promptly. 

"OHUHUHuuUUU," the author farted soundly. "Bet you didn't expect THAT."

"I'm Nico di Angelo, the prince of the rivalling kingdom," said a raven haired young man from the other side of the world who I cannot hear but I pretend to for plot convenience. 

"Finally! A worthy opponent! Our battle shall be legendary!" I cried, racing towards the other side of the world to fight Prince Nico with lightsabers. 

When I arrived at his palace, I was struck by his beauty. 

He was a precious small bean with tufts of fluffy midnight hair and eyes the colour of POO! You can imagine my elation when I realized his eyes were poo-coloured! Just the right shade of Pantone 14-2834! 

I was the Prince of the Poo Kingdom! I could never allow this opportunity to pass! Prince Nico was absolutely adorable and perfect! He held himself in a graceful slouch, the dark circles under his eyes concealing hidden sparks of pizzazz and pizza! 

(What was I thinking when I wrote this)

I fell in love at first sight because that's all fairy tale protagonists ever do. I got down on one knee, dropped my limited edition Obi-Wan Kenobi lightsaber and looked up at the amazing and absolutely fantabulous Prince Nico. 

"Ya like jazz?" I pleaded. Waiting for his answer, I decided to sing the Coconut Song like the sassy little songbird I am.

"OK," Prince Nico agreed. 

Suddenly, a dark, looming figure approached us. LE GASP! IT WAS SHIRLEY! HOW VERY SCANDALOUS! 

"I thought you said we had a connection, Prince Will!" she squawked angrily. "And here you are, flirting with my little brother!"

"It was a very platonic connection!" I cried, waving my hands. "Very, very platonic!"

"HIYAH," Shirley kicked Nico out of the window with one massive Ninja Turtle roundhouse kick. 

I gasped calmly. 

"Now let's start this introduction over. It seems that we didn't get off on the right foot last time," she said, curtsying politely.

"YOU MONSTER," I screamed for dramatic effect.

She lifted her right foot and began to do the Macarena.

GEDDIT? RIGHT FOOT? RIGHT FOOT? NO?

Okay.

El fin 

^ Pretend this is in fancy gold cursive lettering.

I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this but I didn't check it so it might have several grammatical errors.