Hiraeth

09

Leo

My heavy eye lids slowly open to the shining light. Bloody hell, why didn't I close those last night. While my eyes adjust to the light I see an arm stretched across me.

Not again.

Why do I always bring home these random chicks?

I turn my head to see the lucky girl, but my eyes widen when I see what's next to me. Sage's head is laying on my chest while her hair drapes down her back. One of her arms is tucked into her body, and the other arm-that's wrapped around my chest- meeting with the top of my head-her fingers places in between my strands of hair. Her breathing is slow and soft. My arm is wrapped around her warm body.

How did we end up here?

I can feel her breath exhaling onto my shirt due to how close together we were. The sun was shining on her face just enough, to make her skin glow. She looks so peaceful just laying on me. I subconsciously move my hand to her hair and staring playing with it. After I realize what I'm doing I quickly pull away. I shift in my bed to get out without waking her up. When I'm out of bed I walk into the kitchen only to see the aftermath of last night.

Memories come rushing to my head. The fight at the bar. The yelling. Coming home and having one too many beers. The coke. The glass smashing against the wall. Seeing Sage try to calm me down, try to figure out what was wrong. Her changing my clothes and helping me get in bed. Asking her to stay with me.

For fucks sake.

"You're going to be okay"

Those 5 words repeat over and over. It doesn't matter how high I was last night, I wouldn't forget her saying that. Because, she doesn't know my past or what I have done. I feel ill just thinking about the fact that she said those 5 words.

I'm not going to be okay. I will never be okay.

I walk to the pantry and get a broom. I start sweeping the shards of glass that now lie all throughout the living room to distract myself. Once I'm finished I walk over to the kitchen and make a pot of coffee.

I need to get rid of this fucking hangover.

I hear my bedroom door open and see Sage walk out. She makes eye contact with me and pauses for a second before saying good morning. I say good morning back and walk to the table. She doesn't say anything about last night, just grabs a mug and pours herself some coffee.

"I'm going to dinner with Haven tonight... do you want me to bring something back for you to eat?" She asks.

Why is she being so nice to me?

Shouldn't she hate me for almost killing her and the countless times I threatened her?

Fuck. I wish she never saw me last night.

I can't believe I was like that. She should have never seen any of that.

"No." I say. "Sage..."

"Leo, it's fine. We don't have to talk about this." She says. I can tell from her voice she is either confused with me or just upset. I mean I would be too if after everything I did to her, I asked her to lay with me.

I nod and walk back to my room as she goes to hers. I lay on my bed and replay everything that happened last night and this morning. Seeing her innocent arm wrapped around me and her fingers locked in my hair made my stomach turn.

I never noticed how pretty she was until she was laying on me.

No. Leo. Snap out of it.

You will not put yourself through this again.

Sage

I head immediately to work and start sketching my third design but I realize I hate it half way through. All day I have been trying to come up with a new sketch but my mind can't stop thinking about last night. I try to distract my mind but am unable to, so I text Haven.

Me: Wanna go out right now? Need a distraction

Haven: Yes! Meet me at the bar in 10

I pack up my things and head over to the bar. Haven and I hang out for a few hours before I decide to head home. I don't want to get drunk tonight because of everything that happened last night. I walk back to the apartment and see the living room is empty. Even though it is still early in the night, I change into my pajamas and lay in bed. After a while, I take out my phone. It has been a while since I have talked with Olivia or grams.

"Sage! It's so nice to hear your voice" Grams says

"I've missed you too. How is everything over there?" I ask her

"Oh you know, the usual. Olivia's break just ended so she left earlier today." She explains

"Ok, well keep yourself busy" I say

We talk for a few more minutes before I hang up and call Olivia.

"Who is this?" I hear her say in a sarcastic voice, "Is this Sage, my sister? The girl who moved to France without a warning and only calls once a week?"

"Stop it." I say now laughing, "How is college?"

"Fun. There is a party every night, so you know..." She says

"Oh yes, I know" I say

It feels nice to hear my sister's voice again. We have always been very close. We have been there for each other when nobody else was able too. I miss her. I know she is in college and wouldn't even be able to move here right now if she wanted to, but sometimes I just think about how fun it would be with her here. Maybe she could even help me with my Leo problem. And I know, her and Haven would definitely get along. When we finish talking I hang up and replay all of our memories together. Our lives were so much simpler a few years ago. Everyone was happy and we were a perfect family. But now, we are broken. I wish I knew how to fix it.

//Short chapter, but get ready for the next one! :)