Hiraeth

11

Leo

Her hands on the band of my boxers made my heart speed up, I thought it might jump out at her. I couldn't control how fast it was beating.

I reach behind her and grab the blanket that she leans on, to try and release some of the tension between us. Her head almost touches my stomach. I look down at her and see her black hair flow down her back perfectly. Her rosy lips are slightly parted making it so hard to not bend down and kiss her right now.

But I don't.

I can't.

I would never do that.

But I can't stop thinking about last night and how I was imagining I was with her instead of that other girl.

Once I have the blanket in my hand, I sit on the couch and spread it across my legs. I sit on the middle cushion where she sits to the very right. I gesture to her asking if she wants some of the blanket and she nods. She scoots closer to me and covers her legs with the blanket. Our legs almost touching.

"So what do you want to watch?" She asks breaking my concentration

"Oh, uh... anything you want" I say. She looks at me surprised so in order to recover myself I say, "Just not Pride and Prejudice or Dirty Dancing. I hate those types of movies."

She chuckles, "Why? They are so good!"

"Because it is a bunch of makeup stories to make people believe in love when in reality everyone knows it's not true." I say

"So your saying you don't believe in love?" She asks

"Yea. I don't think something that brings you that much happiness can exist. Sure, you can like someone, and love exists within families but love is just unrealistic" I say

"Hmm. Interesting. Well, how about we watch a movie of my choice and we will see if your mind has changed by the end of it" She says with a smile on her face obviously determined to prove my beliefs wrong.

"Okay. You can try but I am a very hard man to convince" I say

She giggles and then puts on a movie called "A Walk to Remember. I watch her as the intro to the movie starts. The light from the TV shines on her face in such a way where all of her facial features are shown. She looks really pretty.

No.

Snap the fuck out of it.

My thoughts break my gaze and I turn my head towards the TV. As the movie plays I see her crying. I really don't think this movie is that sad but I guess it is. I mean a girl gets cancer and doesn't have a lot of time with her "true love" but I mean that's not that sad. At the end of the movie Sage's face is drowned in tears. I walk up and get a box of tissues handing it to her while I sit back down.

"So what did you think?" She asks in between wiping her tears

"It was okay, but I still don't believe in love" I say

"Oh my goodness. How can you not after this movie!" She says throwing her hands up and back down to her lap. I chuckle at her reaction. "Okay, the girl had CANCER. She was going to die but he did not care at all. All he wanted to do was be there for her. To let her experience love. If love didn't exist, then he would have just left her and die on her own."

"Okay I guess if you look at it like that... but I still don't think its love. I think its guilt. He felt guilty for leading her on and liking her that he felt obligated to stay with her. See the thing about love is that you have to be passionate about that person. You would give your life up for that thing. For example, I love Jennifer. I would give my life up for her but I don't love her in a romantic way. Like how could anyone just meet a stranger and feel so attached and passionate to a total random that they would die for them." I state