A Silent Scream *MCR fanfic*

1

I quickly checked over my outfit- a purple tank top with silver swirls on it and black jean shorts with some jewelry,-in the mirror. First day back from spring break, so I wanted to look pretty. I twisted my hair up into a ponytail and applied a little eyeliner, mascara and some clear lipgloss. A lot of high school girls felt the need to wear so much makeup it looked like they'd just stuck their face in some poorly contoured cake icing. I mean, it's not like they were getting the healthy brand. 'Oh well let me just smear a shit-ton of oily crap all over my face, that'll help me not get pimples.' It just doesn't make sense. After grabbing my backpack and pulling on my converse, I set off to school.
My parents wanted to drive me, but my school wasn't even a full mile away, and I preferred to walk anyways. As I wasn't the hugest fan of actually working out, walking got me exercise. Plus it was a chance to listen to the music I really liked. All my friends liked Taylor Swift, or Katy Pary or Meghan Trainor, and it's not like I hated those artists or anything. I actively try not to hate anything, just to say it's not something particularly interesting to me. I simply found Sleeping With Sirens, or Black Veil Brides, or Pierce the Veil more evenly matched to my preferences.
I faded into a daze as my music filled my ears, head, and soul, and what seemed like mere seconds later I found myself being greeted by Stacey and Tracey. They were the closest I had to a best friend, but I still rarely trusted them with any truly significant information. Then again, I rarely trusted anybody but myself with that important of information, so I suppose I couldn't truly use that as an argument justifying how they were not, in fact, my best friend. The realization that they had been trying to speak to me and I'd been standing there mutely, lost in my mental criticization of them, hit me quite suddenly. I quickly pulled out my earbuds and gave them a quick hug each, and nodded along as they told me, excitedly and all too quickly, about nearly everything that had occurred over their spring break. It took me a few minutes, but I realized that their appearances had changed too. They were identical twins, so typically you could only tell them apart by the charms they wore on a silver chain around their neck, but I figured it would be much easier now. Stacey had dyed the tips of her newly bleached platinum blonde hair a bright pink that complimented her primarily purple, grren, and blue wardrobe. Tracey hadn't bleached her hair, but seemed to have used a blonde dye to lighten the color to a dirty blonde, then dyed the underside a fiery red color. They both looked fantastic, but I decided to wait until there was a pause in the constant, rapid speech gushing out of their mouths. I had learned approximately a week after I met them that if you just nodded along, and occasionally laughed or looked shocked or horrified, they truly wouldn't have even an inkling of doubt in the fact that you were completely attententive to their non-stop speaking.
Barely soon enough, I was saved from being forced into a legitimate conversation by the sharp ringing of the bell, signaling that we needed to get to class. As I practically fought my way through the moving, living, talking maze that was a high school hallway I noticed a group of kids in all black, with long black hair all scowling at me.I gave them a warm smile, but their bitter expressions only deepened. There were a few groups of friends who seemed to despise me, though I had rarely spoken to them, let alone been in any place to offend them. It seemed no matter how kind a person you are, there will always be people looking to trample you down into the ground. How I wished that wasn't true.
I arrived in my classroom just as the late bell rang, earning me a disapproving but still kind glance from Mrs.Smith. I mouthed "sorry" as I hurried to my seat, and her slight scowl turned into a half-smile. I opened my binder to the right spot, and switched into my student mode, which allowed me to blindly write down answers while still letting my mind roam free. I had four modes; student mode, family mode, friend mode, and real mode. I preferred to be in real mode, as it wasn't so much a mode as disposing of said modes and letting me be myself. Strange as it was, I was absolutely terrified to show my true self to anybody. I had no reason to have any kind of trust issues, but I did. Constantly terrified that showing people my true colors would get me judged, hurt or left friendless, I shielded myself in countless ways. When I was in real mode, I could put down my shields and let myself enjoy freedom, as short as that freedom may be.
As usual, the day passed in some kind of foggy haze, leaving me relieved to once again find the clear, crisp atmosphere that the company of only myself and music brought. Sometimes it seemed like I'd been holding my breath all day and being alone was my only chance to let it out, and breathe freely until I had to suck in one huge breath to last me until I reach this freedom again. I found myself on my own front porch much sooner than I felt was adequate time for me to breathe, but my Mom had already seen me, so I couldn't turn back now. I stepped in the door and switched to family mode, acting friendly and silly throughout the rest of the day.
By the time I sunk into my soft bed, I was emotionally exhausted. You'd think I'd get used to hiding myself from everyone after doing so for seven years, but my mind simply refused to realize things weren't going to change. Thankfully, it took only half an hour for me to sink into the land of dreams, another of my favorite freedoms.