A Silent Scream *MCR fanfic*

13

I was truly worried about Gerard at this point. It had been a week. I'll admit, at first I'd thought it was simply another one of his antics; trying to get attention, prove a point. I believed that after a few days, he'd return home and after a bit of yelling, everything would return to normal. Now I can see, very clearly, that that is in no way possible. School seemed to be getting worse, with no reassurance of Gerard's comfort and companionship when I get home. I haven't gotten beaten up again, but everyone is still adamant on not speaking to me, and have gotten the teachers to join in this boycott of myself. I hadn't cut anymore. I couldn't bring myself to. I knew I should tell Donna about how depressed I was, but I couldn't. I didn't want to be a burden on someone who isn't even family. Most days I just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide under the covers and cry, or just sit in silence and despair. 

Depression is most definitely the worst thing I've experienced. It's not what people think, constant sadness and always crying and being overemotional. And it's definitely not just an overreaction to a little sadness. It's like poison, infecting every single cell of your body. You can't think straight anymore. You feel like lead; everything is too difficult. Breathing seems like too much work sometimes. Getting out of bed in the morning is a struggle. Even just nibbling at your food is nearly impossible because you constantly feel sick, even though you're not. Any form of exercise is a mountain to be overcome. Sleep isn't possible. Depression is acid, eating away at everything you are or will be.

I pushed that thought out of my head and returned to the mind-numbingly dull task of copying down notes. History notes. Always my least favorite. I just really don't care about whatever war I happened to be learning about. The only good thing about everyone ignoring me is that I can do pretty much whatever I please during class, and the teachers-as they're ignoring me- don't notice, so my grades aren't affected. So, when I feel legitimately tired in History, and think I'll be able to sleep for once, I promptly lay down and let myself sleep.

Inane chatter floods my ears. As I fully tune in, I realize it isn't all that inane. Some man is shouting,

"You have two months, and if your little science project isn't proven by then, I'm stopping the funding. Do you understand me, Rachel?"

"Yes, sir."

Good. I'll be back in two months. You better be successful. Putting thousands down the drain isn't one of my favorite pastimes." I hear angry thuds, which I know to be him walking away, then a sudden weight on my left side. Rachel has dropped down and is now strewn over me. I can hear her trying to hold back tears, and thank any god that may exist that she's being successful in that task. I hate crying people. They seem so weak, and yet, I can't beat them. My frustration with my constant sleep is bothering me more than usual today. Typically, I'm grateful for the escape. Today I want nothing more than a true life. I feel the familiar tug on my semi-consciousness and my irritation grows as I'm pulled back into the all-too familiar darkness.

I jerked back awake, and found that the classroom was seemingly empty. A stream of curse words left my mouth as I ran to the door and bolted out. I glance at the clock and find that I slept through the rest of the day. I internally groaned, and stop running. I dropped off my stuff at my locker and went back home, not especially enthusiastic about anything. I suppose I should have found something new, to deal with the constant boredom. But I found myself unable to get interested in anything else. I let myself sink into some alternate dimension and before I can fully register it, I'm home. I flash Donna a fake smile before returning to my room and curling up in a ball under the covers, hoping to get some sleep tonight.

***

Another week passed in a dizzy haze without any sign of Gerard. At least I wasn't worried anymore. I was just numb.

I poked at the food on my plate. Maybe if I smushed it around enough she wouldn't notice. Donna had recently decided that she was entirely done with my mopey depression. She was now forcing me to at least eat. As much as I hated to cave, I did, since it was for my own benefit. She glared at me and I started actually eating, when there's a sudden, loud knocking on the door. I got up and muttered as I walked off towards the door,

"I'll get it."

I opened the door quickly, expecting either Girl Scouts or some annoying religious person. What I most certainly wasn't expecting was for Gerard to be standing outside, looking at the ground. He looked horrible. Like he hadn't showered in a week. His clothes were ripped up, his arm was bruised, his eyes red, and there was dried blood on his wrist, around a barely healed and clearly deep cut.

My mind went to hug him, but my body had different ideas and I punched him in the face, and shrieked,

"What the fuck? You think you can just come back? I don't want to deal with the same exact thing again. So stay away." I moved to close the door when he said,

"Wait." His voice was raspy and cracked. It sounded like he'd been crying recently.

"What, Gerard?"

"I'll take my meds. All of them."

"Why the sudden surrender?" His head whipped up and his hazel eyes burned through my own as he answered,

"Because I thought that when I ran away I could get you out of my head. You have infected me. You are a virus. Every single part of me has been contaminated, and I can't stop thinking about you. I was going to go insane. I need to preserve what little sanity I have left, and if being around you is the only way, so be it."

I didn't answer, but stepped back, and let Gerard into the house, unable to fully process what he said. It sounded like a compliment, but the venom in his voice made me doubt that.

A/N

Hey guys! I am so so so soooooo sorry for not updating. I broke my phone, and I didn't have any other way to write, since I was on the DC trip for 8th graders, and then when I got home I realized that all the plans for the chapters were on my phone, so I had to remember exactly what I was doing, plus I'm having this whole thing going on where all my friends are deserting me because I'm an asshole, so that's stressful. Anyways. I really did try to write, I just had writer's block and all that crap. I'm also sorry that this is kinda short. It's mainly a filler, and the drama will really get going soon, I promise. I'll try to get back to at least a weekly update, more if I can. But just know that if I'm not updating I have my reasons. Welp, that's all for now. Thanks for reading, waffles, I love you all! I'll update soon as I can.

-Tyler