Nameless // h.s. au

Chapter Twenty One

Chapter Twenty One

*Hunter*

"Hunter you can't just leave."

"Make sure that Lillian knows she doesn't have to be a doctor or- or a lawyer. Make sure she knows that she can be whatever she wants to be. She has everything at the tips of her fingers and she should know that. That's your job. That and keeping her away from Mark no matter how much you trust the guy I- I don't."

"Hunter Naomi Rowen do not leave this house."

"And- and tell her she's...Tell her she's perfect and beautiful and everything she needs to be. I won't have her thinking she's anything less."

The sound of Zayn's car pulling up on the gravel driveway replaces the silence building around us. Because all that's there is lies and secrets and expectations that were never fulfilled no matter how hard I tried.

"Bye mom." My fingers rap around the handle and the door is pulled open before she can protest. The frozen image of her teary eyes and agape lips won't leave my mind, but I know it's for the best and tomorrow it will only be like she's lost an investment, not a daughter.

The combat boots I bought myself for Christmas are nothing against the cold air that swarms my bare legs as I step across the grass.

"Hunter!"

"Lillian go back inside."

"But I want to go with you." She's crying now. Real crying. The kind of crying where you never catch your breath and your teeth vibrate every time you try. Her small shoulders are shaking and her wide eyes are red, "I want to go on an adventure."

"Lil." My knees are wet against the grass as I kneel down to look her in the eyes. Lillian's a small girl unlike I was at ten. She's tiny, "This is an adventure I need to go on alone. I need you to go inside and call Grandma alright?"

She nods, but her shoulders are shaking and her eyes are red so she can't speak a word. Not even as I wrap her in my arms and bring my lips to her ear.

"I love you." My voice is shaking as the words leave my lips.

"I l-love you mo-more."

"Impossible." I bring her to arms-length, "You can do anything, don't ever let anyone tell you differently girly."

She nods again, this time with more force but her shoulders are still shaking every now and then and her eyes are still red with tears coating her pale cheeks. She lunges forward to wrap her arms around me.

"Go." But she won't let go, "Go."

And then she's gone. Running across the grass back to the house.

"You did good baby."

"What time will we get into the city?"

"Around Eleven. Please don't cry. I hate to see you cry."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Please don't leave."

"I never w-."

Dun-dun. Dun-dun. Dun-dun.

*

My ears are nearly bleeding at the volume my heart is beating in them. My hands are shaking and I don't know when it'll stop. Dreaming of...him... and that night is like dreaming of knives being pressed into my heart slow enough to make me feel every inch of the knife. It starts slow, just a small pain until I'm impaled on my own memories.

The sun is blinding as it breaks through white curtains, unfamiliar white curtains. Unfamiliar white comforter but very familiar brown curls that are sprawled across white pillows that smell of expensive cologne. I want to ask how I got here. Run through all the clichés that would please my psyche but I can't. I know why I'm here.