Believing lies

chapter 18

As December continued on the hustle and buzz of Christmas was approaching and quickly. River and I hardly saw each other with him being wrapped up with work. Celeste and my brothers didn't mind because I was spending my time with them, I knew they missed me.

River one night as we made cookies, mostly me, asked if I wanted to be apart of Beck's trial. I had thought about it, constantly actually and the more I thought about it the more scared I was because I wanted him and all my fears to go away.

Wiping my hands on one of River's dishcloths, I glance up and towards the open living room to see him slouched on the couch with his laptop, obviously working.

"Riv," I say slowly walking over to him. He hums in response.

"What's up, baby?" He questions so smoothly as if the nickname was second nature to him, I sit on the coffee table in front of him. He glances up at me before slowly sitting up, "what's wrong?"

"I've been thinking a lot about the whole Beck thing?" I say and nervously cross my legs before sliding my hands between them.

"Okay," River nods encouraging me to continue. I sigh, and he observes me carefully sliding his laptop off his lap and off to the side.

"I think I want to testify? In-person," I say in a questioning tone. He raises an eyebrow.

"You sure? Because you sound unsure," he replies. I roll my eyes. "If you don't want to, you don't have to," he repeats.

"I know," I nod and I feel myself unconsciously rubbing my wrist, a place that was associated with so much trauma and pain. "It's just, I have been scared of him for almost seven years now and I just, I just don't want to feel scared anymore," I tell him sighing.

River moves forward onto the couch, gently grabs ahold of my hands before squeezing gently and pulling me over to him. I fall into his lap, I push away the fact that I was straddling his lap as he leaned back.

"You need closure, I get that baby. I mean hell you've been receiving closure left and right," he teases and I choke back a laugh as I wipe a tear away. He was talking about my biological mother's note. "And you of all people deserve closure and deserve to move on and not be scared of that douche," he nods. "But I don't want you to do something that's gonna cause you more pain,"

I tug on his blonde curly locks gently as his arms tighten around me, "I need this." I confirm with a nod, his eyes sweep around my face before nodding, "and I'm gonna need you," I say.

"You'll always have me," he confirms leaning up and kissing my cheek. I smile as he tilts his head back and I lean my forehead on his.

He pulls me closer against him and I see his jaw tick as I rub against him unconsciously, "River," I murmur, he nods slowly. "Kiss me," I demand.

River runs his thumb over my bottom lip before sighing and shutting his eyes, "Belle you have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now and have it escalate but your vulnerable right now baby, and I can't take advantage of you like that,"

"It's happened before I don't care," I tell him tugging on his hair.

"But I care, you've been taken advantage of your whole life and I won't do that to you," He tells me.

I sigh, "why are you such a fucking gentlemen," I grumble and he smiles. I pull away slightly. "Can I ask you a question?" I ask as I watch his eyes trail up my exposed neck. He hums.

"If Kaden hadn't walked in the other day, would things have escalated?" I ask, his eyes snap up to mine. I feel one of his arms unwrap from my waist and he trails a finger over my necklace and across my collar bone.