Unparalleled Joy | COMPLETED

She's After Miracle

SPECIAL CHAPTER
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HIM

"Do you want to get well?" I looked each one of them. "Do you want to be okay?"

Everyone was sited on their white  chair, wearing hospital gown as blue as the ceiling of this hall. All patients were  seemed emotionless and just looking at me blankly.

"Six years ago, I've been diagnosed with neurological disorder, went to depression, drugs, anxiety… and you name it." I gestured my hand on  the air. Para na ako'ng presidente na ginagawa ang speech niya. I guess, I'll career this.

Anim na taon na ang nakalipas at parang nagsariwa lahat ng nangyari noon. Parang ama ko lang na janitor fish. Sariwang isda.

Anim na taon at hanggang ngayon… siya pa rin ang nakikita ko. Six years and it still fucking painful.

"Six years and I'm proud to say that I made it." Ngumiti ako. Hindi pilit, but a  real smile showing I'm proud of on what I went through.

From this stage, I heard a small applause to my co-doctors na ngayon ay suportadong-suportado rin. Nakakahiya rin pero sa anim na taon na 'yon ay mas kumapal din ang mukha ko. I requested this event. They're at the back assisting and checking the patients, para masiguradong ayos at  komportable ang lahat. 

Lahat ng narito sa hall ay mga pasiyenteng may mabigat na pasan sa kanilang buhay. Everyone was diagnosed with an illness that only few people in the society can understand and accept what they are going through. They are mostly judged and discriminated by people for they believe that mental illness is having a crazy mind not knowing that  it's about having a passionate desire to be loved and heard… to be cared and understood.

"I don't know if this can be called a life testimony but I just wanna tell everyone that mental, spiritual and emotional sickness… is part of our life." Tumingin ako sa likod ko.

From the screen behind, picture flashed. It was me on the article jumping off to the bridge. It's a picture that speaks.

I raised my forefinger. "But it should be only one session in our life. You should not stay in that pain forever," diin ko. "You should not stay in that brokenness forever."

Sinimulan kong i-kwento ang mga pangyayari noon…  Starting with the day I found out that I'm not the child of my parents, to the day my mother died, moving on to the days I found out na may sakit ako, hanggang sa nagising ako sa katotohanan sa mga kalokohang nangyayari sa buhay ko, then the day I met her… beginning to give up everything until today… becoming a doctor. Nakita ko ang pagbabago sa mukha nila sa bawat detalyeng bibitawan ko. Unti-unti, ang mga kwento ko ay nagbigay liwanag sa kanila.

I cleared my throat. "Six ago I meet a crazy girl… literally crazy." Mahina akong tumawa nang maalala ang mga kabaliwan niya. "She's my drug… my miracle…"

Anim na taon… pero hanggang ngayon, buhay na buhay pa rin siya sa mundo ko.

Binanggit ko na katulad nila, she's struggling with mental illness. "But I came too late…"

Kumuyom ang kamay ko nang maalala na habang ako ay sinusubukang panglabanan ang kamatayan, naro'n siya at ipinanalo 'to.

Kahit malayo ay nagsalubong ang mata  namin ni Keil.

"And I failed to save her…"

For a year, both him and I are really in a bad shape. I even cursed him.  Pero sa paglipas ng panahon, na-realize ko na wala  namang mangyayari kung magagalit lang ako sa kaniya habang buhay. Hindi niya rin ginusto na mangyari 'yon. Forgiveness is really that  matters.  

"Kaya sa tatlong taon sa ospital na 'to, I came up with the medicine that will heal whoever struggling with the same circumstances."

I want to save everyone… na hindi ko nagawa sa kaniya.

Bigla na lang lumipat ang picture na nasa screen. It showed my project-- the project that I worked for. Makikita ang logo, composition at maging benefits nito.

I put my hand inside my pocket and bring out my sample. Ipinakita ko ito sa lahat.

"Yes, this is the medicine that will end everyone's suffering... I called it… Boulangeine."

Yeah, ipinangalan ko sa salitang paborito niyang bigkasin.

Makikita ang pagkamangha sa mata ng mga taong na kasama ko ngayon. Ngayong araw ring ito, ipapamahagi ang gamot sa bawat ospital.

From that six years, I can say that she's not just my drug… my miracle but also my inspiration. An inspiration that turned into light for every darkness in someone's life.

It's too late when I realized, it was in disguise. Akala ko siya ang niligtas ko ng gabing 'yon sa tulay, pero ang totoo siya ang dumating para iligtas ako. At ngayong parte siya ng testimony ko, ng proyektong ginawa ko, at ng gamot na binuo ko para iligtas naman ang buhay ng iba. Maybe she's really an angel, just passing by... isang bolang na anghel.

I smiled. "Pero alam n'yo ba 'yong gamot na higit dito?" Natahimik silang lahat. "Ito 'yong gamot na maipapangako kong hindi tayo bibiguin. Isang gamot na libre, walang pinipili, normal ka man o hindi, mayaman ka man o hindi, may sakit ka man o wala… para sa lahat."

Sa ilang taon na pag-aaral ko, kahit masabing epektibo ang gamot na nagawa ko, may isang bagay na kahit  anumang sakit ay kayang mapagaling.

"Gospel… the word of God," madahan kong saad. "Trust God that He will see you through… that He will heal you. Sasamahan ka Niyang makalaya. Trust Him in your freedom. Believe that you are loved by one great Christ. Believe that you will be healed."

Alam kong demonyo ako noon, pero kaunti na lang ngayon. Kung isang daang porsyento na demonyo ako ngayon, baka nasunog na ako sa mga sinasabi ko. But seriously, God cannot blessed a hypocrite. We have to recognize and deal with our brokenness.

You are smiling in the outside, but broken in the inside. You are smiling in the outside but stuck in the inside. We have to admit that we are weak, we are sick, we are tired, we are drain… We have to be honest with Him, kasi kung gusto mong gumaling, you have to be honest with Him.

He's our healer…

For my closing… "Aren't you curious about her name?"

Narinig ko ang bulong-bulungan nila. Napapatingin pa sila sa likod. Maybe they thought that it's her. It's the beautiful woman on the back, showing her great smile and positive aura every now and then.

"Your fiance?" tanong ni Times, isa sa pinakabata naming pasyente. "Doc. Hemera?"

Our eyes suddenly met. Simula no'ng una hanggang ngayon, hindi siya nawala. Ang positibo niyang pananaw ang nagmulat sa 'kin at muling nagbigay pag-asa. From being a fan, from being my personal nurse, to being my fiance and soon… to be my future.

Yes, she is after the miracle.

Umiling ako sa sinabing pangalan ni Times. "Her name is…"

Her name is inside us. Her name is what we felt. Her name is what we all face. Her name is always there.  I will never forget that crazy name.  Nakaburda sa paborito niyang sweater at nagtatago.

"Pein…" I let go. "Pein Heall…"

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END