Unparalleled Joy | COMPLETED

ii. Cold Turns Warm

HIM

Kung nakakamatay ang ka-boringan, malamang sa malamang ay nasa impyerno na ako. I tried everything I could inside this deluxe room to ease my boredom. I tried to make myself busy by watching soccer game, anime, funny videos at piano recital. Naglaro na rin ako ng mga online games dito pero wala pa rin. Nang matalo kami, mas lalo akong nabwisit.

"Alam ko na papanuorin ko." Parang biglang nabuhay ang utak ko sa naiisip ko. "P*rn."

I searched the remote control, thinking where I put it. Kapag minamalas ka nga naman, 'di ko pa makita.

"Lord, isa lang e. Wala naman si Lolo."

I talked to the air as if it could hear me. Dahil malakas naman ako kay Lord, 'agad nagpakita sa 'kin ang nagtatagong remote.

It was under my bed. Siguro nasipa ko no'ng nabwisit ako nang marinig ang salitang, "DEFEAT!"

Dumapa ako at kinuha ang remote sa lapag. Natigilan na lang ako nang makita ko na naman ang abnormal na kilos ng kamay ko.

My hands were shaking unconsciously. I stayed for a while looking at it, hoping it will stop but it didn't happened.

"Your essential tremors worsen over time. Usually, it occurs in the hands first, affecting one hand or both hand."

Bigla kong naalala ang sinabi sa akin ng doctor kanina. Essential tremor is a nervous system (neurological) disorder that causes involuntary and rhythmic shaking. It can affect almost any part of your body, but the trembling occurs most often in your hands-- especially when you do simple tasks. Mas lalo itong lumala dahil sa pag-take ko ng drugs at pag-withdraw dito.

"If it not treated early, there's a big possibility that you won't be able to play again."

That was the bullshitest among the bullshits I ever heard. Do'n na ako mas lalong kinabahan. That time, I feel scared but there doesn't seem to have a clear reason... like a feeling of tightness in my chest. Pero 'di ko 'yon pinakita, ayaw kong kaawaan ako ng sino man.

Tumayo ako sa higaan ko at tinapon ang remote sa kung saan.

"I'll prove that the doctor is a dirty ass."

Nagtungo ako sa left wing ng neuro department ng hospital. It's not that far kaya mabilis rin akong nakarating sa pupuntahan ko-- part of each department which I love the most.

Umupo na ako at hinarap ang grand piano na narito. My chewing muscles went into warm tension as my fingers began to dance across the keys, alighting first on ivory then gliding to ebony.

"Fuck!" I cursed when I can't stand anymore because of the shaking of my hand.

This is not happening... tell me this is a dream... I'd rather die than to lose this passion. Damn it!

Marahas kong hinampas ang piano na lumikha ng napakalakas na tunog. It seemed like I'm playing Claire de Lune of Claude Debussy.

Nanginginig kong binuhat ang upuan at itinaas ito sa hangin."Arg--"

"Bolang!"

I stopped. Mabilis akong napalingon sa boses na 'yon nang makilala ko. Suddenly, I was stuck when I saw her. I feel something twisted in me. Nabitawan ko tuloy ng wala sa oras ang hawak kong upuan na nasa ulunan ko dahil tinaas ko nga ito para ibato sa piano.

"Oh fuck!" sigaw ko nang mabitawan ko ang upuan at tumama sa ulo ko. Ulo sa taas.

I heard few steps coming towards me. Mabilis pa sa inaasahan ko, nakaramdam ako ng presensya ng tao sa harap ko habang ako, sapu-sapo ang matigas kong ulo.