King's Landing 299 AC.
Loras.
It was Margaery and not Jae that told him that he was to head north once more. He, Arthur, and Walder along with the king all traveling to the Wall and beyond and he found that he welcomed it, needed it. The distraction it provided was something he'd been seeking for so long and hadn't been able to find in his usual daily activities, as there was only so much that training and sparring took your mind from he'd found.
He loved being a Kingsguard he truly did and yet at times, he was disappointed in being one also. The life he had thought he was to live had turned out to be something completely different and despite having his brothers and his family nearby, he was alone. Jae and he rarely got to spend the same amount of time together that they once had and their relationship had changed over the years. No longer were they best friends who shared their thoughts, hopes, and dreams as they once had. Instead, they were Kingsguard and King and while Jae was still his best friend, a sort of distance had formed between them because of it.
At first, Loras had not truly felt it forming, true he knew Jae was busier, and between his time being a king, the work he was doing to prepare the realm for the war to come, and his time with Margaery, there was less time for him to be the Jae he once was. Yet it was something else that only since Satin had left had Loras truly noticed. Jae confided in others now more than he, in Arthur and his uncles, and in Margaery which Loras took no issue with. But he was no longer who his friend sought out and over time it had come to bother him.
It made him question if he was right to be here and whether or not he should have taken the chance to go to Dorne with Satin when it was offered. He'd wondered if he'd given up on his love for a true reason or for a version of that truth. Had he just been scared to make the move? Afraid to take the chance that Satin's heart was as true as his own? Or was it that the thoughts of the life he believed he had here had been false ones and had influenced him to make the wrong decision? He was frustrated and felt angry more often than not but at the back of it all, he was lonely.
Sighing, he got up from his bed and began to pack his things and once he'd done so he walked out of his room to break his fast. He nodded to Walder and Arthur who were both sitting at the table, Loras taking a seat to join them both. Looking to his brothers he could see that neither of them seemed conflicted or were questioning their lives and he wondered if that was because both had lived to their oaths more truly than he had. Was it true what he'd heard Aemon say, was love really the death of duty?
"You've been Beyond the Wall, is it really colder than the North?" he asked as he ate, Walder chuckling as he looked at him.
"It's like comparing here to the North, Loras, There are some furs in my things for you to wear, you're going to need them." Walder said.
"And the people they're like Val?" he asked only to see Arthur shake his head.
"Val's a different sort, they're rougher around the edges and they'll say things that may seem disrespectful but only if they make a move are we to act." Arthur said.
"They'll insult the king?" he asked angrily.
"There he's not the king." Walder said and Arthur smirked as Loras frowned at them both.
"His words Loras, not ours." Arthur said and he nodded.
After they'd finished eating he went to say his goodbyes, they'd not be leaving until the morrow but all three of them had been given the day to do as they wished. Walder wished to spend it with his squire, the large man saying there was something he needed to do before he left, while Arthur was an enigma as always. Never in his life had he seen a man more dutiful than he, not even Ser Barristan, and at times it made him question whether it was just age, experience, and the number of years in the order that had made Jae name the Bold as their Lord Commander. To him, Arthur was what a Kingsguard was supposed to be and though he doubted the choices he made and the life he now lived, he didn't doubt that it was the Sword of the Morning that he most wished to emulate.
